0:00

Welcome & Introduction

So you know when the Springboks won the Rugby World Cup, the joy that made grown men cry and the relief to know the trophies are ours.

Secretly being happy that life can go back to normal.

No more box Fridays at school, late nights out with the kids and hosting numerous braes.

0:22

It really had an impact on our lives.

But imagine being there, travelling with your kids home schooling them in France and supporting one of the Springboks.

That’s a whole other ball game.

0:38

I’m not talking about rugby, I’m talking about being a Springboks wife.

Grab your biltong and stay tuned.

You don’t want to miss this one.

I’m your host mage and this is moment.

1:03

With me today is Israel for Milan.

Welcome, Israel.

1:06

Speaker 2

Hi, thank you.

So honoured to be here.

1:08

Speaker 1

Today, thank you.

Isabelle is a business owner, an entrepreneur, a mom and the wife of Springbok rugby player Dwayne for Milan SO.

1:20

Speaker 2

Long list.

1:21

Speaker 1

Very long Israel.

So glory is not something we normal folk necessarily experience on a regular basis in our lives.

What is it like being there and celebrating on that level?

1:41

The Rush of Rugby Glory

I don’t think you can explain it to someone and I think we experience it much different to what the public actually and people at home experience it.

You know, it’s one-of-a-kind.

It’s something that you, you know, you can’t explain it to people.

The relief .1 is always, it’s amazing that ohh, my goodness, it’s done now and yeah, we did it.

2:01

And because it’s a build up of four years that your life is just revolving around this World Cup.

So yeah, it’s amazing that we won it and it’s amazing be part of it.

And you’re, as I said, you can’t explain it.

It’s just next level.

2:17

Speaker 1

Yeah, amazing.

So I remember being in Long St. on a balcony of offices in town when the bus came past and we were there the entire day.

2:29

Parades vs. Private Moments

KFM was broadcasting on the same balcony and the vibe was just incredible.

When we saw the bus turning the corner in Adley St., going into Whale Road and then up Long.

It’s just that crowd was electrified.

2:45

Speaker 2

I actually, I’m getting goosebumps sitting, Yeah, because that is one of the best experiences I’ve ever, ever had being on that bus and Justice, seeing the whole total different side of it of what I said, the public is just different to what we experience.

3:00

Speaker 1

On.

3:01

Speaker 2

That we don’t realise it when you’re there, only when you come back and you do that, then you just your everything falls into perspective.

3:09

Speaker 1

Yeah, so I remember watching you guys on the bus and with the trophy and everyone’s happy and everyone’s just soaking in.

3:17

Speaker 2

This moment.

3:19

Speaker 1

This moment, yeah, but is it also exhausting?

3:23

Speaker 2

Yes, I must say it’s a very long day on the bus with the kids and especially because they we get on and then you drive and you can only drive as fast as where the people are making a bath for you.

3:36

The Highs & Lows of Celebration Days

So, but it’s amazing.

Yeah, to see everything.

I think my kids are still blown away.

I mean, they’re on the bus because they don’t realise as as I said, we sit there, you run when at the hotel, you celebrating with all the team, the team and the kids and everything.

3:54

But coming back, sitting there but joy, it’s, it’s overwhelming and exhausting, but still such a special moment in my life.

4:03

Speaker 1

Yeah, I can only imagine twice.

4:05

Speaker 2

Twice.

So you’re very honoured to be part of it for two years or two times, yeah.

4:11

Speaker 1

That’s incredible.

So is it hard and all this celebration is over and you know, life goes back to normal and it’s school runs and day-to-day.

4:21

Craving Routine After the Chaos

Is it hard like transferring back into normality?

4:25

Speaker 2

No, no, because you actually just crave that.

So you want to have structure and normal balanced life again because as I said, for especially the the year that the World Cup building up to it to that October, whenever it is, everything is just, you can’t plan anything.

4:43

It’s up and down and you need to, yeah, it’s chaos.

So going back into routine is always for me, the best.

Knowing that your kids can go to bed at 8:00 and sleep and get up in the morning and have breakfast and have a routine.

I think your archive it after you like that.

5:02

Speaker 1

Yeah, I can only imagine.

So with your kids being exposed to this kind of success and the glorious moment, why are you teaching them about success and staying humble?

5:15

Teaching Humility at Home

For me, it’s very important that they always know who they are.

I always find it funny when people introduce me as Dwayne’s wife.

I’m like, you know, I actually have a name.

My name is Isabelle.

So for me, their own identity, their own personality, there must always know who they are.

5:32

They’re not just Wayne’s kids.

They are Andrew and they are Sian and them have to have their own identity.

It’s very important for me to do that.

So I always tell them you are you.

You are unique.

You’ve got your own talents, your own creativity, your own personality.

5:47

You must be you.

And I think for me it’s always, I always tell my kids and, and it’s something that I always told Dwayne, as long as your feet are on the ground, you will stay humble.

So don’t let the success and all the good things that happen with you take over and put you in a position where you can’t realise where you’ve come from.

6:08

For me, it’s very important to know where you come from and what is actually your purpose in life.

Your purpose is in life to be this celebrity.

You need to stay humble and you need to work hard for it and you get ups and downs and how you’re going to use that to build from there and stay your own person.

6:27

Speaker 1

That’s amazing that you guys are so grounded and I think throughout his whole career he’s been super humble and I think many people love him for that.

And you are behind it clearly.

Well done.

6:42

Speaker 2

Thank you.

6:44

Speaker 1

So do you think as a mom, the invisible work we do, we kind of find our own little World Cup battles everyday?

6:54

The Invisible Work of Moms

Definitely.

I think I, I think every mum should have a World Cup medal because it’s a, but then with the guys don’t always realise what we do.

The, it’s just, it’s always there.

They calm, that’s it.

7:09

And there’s dinner, the washing is done, they’re runs are done, the homework’s done.

Everything is just always there.

We don’t mind it, but it’s, it takes time and it takes planning and it takes all of that.

And I think being a mom is an amazing job.

7:24

It’s a job on its own.

So yeah, no World Cups.

When after Draining walked off the field and we were back at the hotel, took his medal, I said I’m going to take this one for me.

7:36

Speaker 1

Well done.

7:37

Speaker 2

I love that this one is for me now.

7:41

Speaker 1

I hope it’s in your closet.

7:44

Speaker 2

Yeah.

7:46

Speaker 1

So you’ve supported Dwayne’s big dreams throughout your relationship of many years, but how have you made sure that your dreams and your identity still shine?

7:58

Staying True to Yourself

I think I’m a very driven person.

That’s why I not that being a mum is not a full time job.

I understand that, but, and I agree with that, but I’ve still feel you as a person need to have a purpose.

A mom needs to have a person, a purpose.

8:15

So for me, I always try, I have to work, I have to be busy.

So I think of new things to do and I start new businesses and I, I always tried to run it to the when, when it’s at home, you can part of it so that it’s not just rugby, rugby, rugby, rugby.

8:32

He needs to have something else that he can also focus on.

And that for me is it’s my own glory helping him transition to normal life, as you can say yeah, and finding a balance.

So for me, that is my greatest glory, to get him to transition smoothly.

8:53

Speaker 1

Okay, cool, So what have been your own victories away from rugby?

8:58

Speaker 2

Ohh, I would say definitely the businesses that might help him started.

So it’s a challenge and and I think the victory is getting my kids to where they are now.

9:12

Personal Wins Outside Rugby

One of my biggest victories.

I think you’re juggling everything and finding balance so you know that they are safe and okay and they you know, their personalities are growing and they’re doing well at school.

For me that is a victory because the unstableness and challenge you a lot.

9:31

Speaker 1

Yeah, I can imagine.

So what do you do?

Just for you?

9:35

Self-Care Walks & Mental Clarity

That’s just yours.

I walk OK.

9:39

Speaker 2

I walk actually.

So the best thing for me, especially in summer, my Earpods in my ears and I listen to music or a podcast or whatever and I just walk.

And for me that is when I plan my day.

I clear my head, I think of what needs to be done and what do I want to reach this month or whatever you want to do, plan everything and then come back and be, you know.

10:08

Speaker 1

We we do need to like recalibrate and get our own heads clean.

Yes, in order for everything else.

10:16

Speaker 2

To fall in place?

No, definitely.

10:19

Speaker 1

Yeah, so kids change absolutely everything, and most of us have trouble juggling the school runs and extra school activities.

10:28

Homeschooling on the Go

But you experience that on almost like a global scale.

How do you manage?

10:36

Speaker 2

I think planning, I think it’s very important to plan and I think you need to know what needs to be done and work accordingly to that.

So for me, when I travel, although I’m a very spur of the moment and I’m, I cope quite easily, I have to have a little bit of planning in place.

10:54

I need to know, OK, so if we travelling, OK, we arrive here, that train, we’re taking that train, we’re going there, maybe an Uber from there so that you can just plan your setup.

And, and when we lived in France, for me, it was okay, I have to have my kids on the same academic level when we come back so that they can just transition easily.

11:16

So I think that was my, my biggest thing is planning everything.

And especially when we were at World Cup, I said to the school, I’m sorry, this is Dwayne’s lost, lost, lost one.

And we wanted to complete the full circle with him.

So we started off being in Belfast or you know, we were in Belfast and then the school was amazing because I didn’t want to lose the space there.

11:41

And we actually that home schooling in Belfast and just continued into the World Cup.

So every morning I would get the work from the teacher.

In the mornings we did some school work and then in the afternoon we would go sightseeing or go to the hotel and do things that with Dwayne.

11:59

But for me it was important to be in an A B&B.

We are can plan it, I can structure it.

They can have normal lunches, not hotel food all the time because, you know, sugar, all of that and space.

12:14

And at the Airbnb’s, most of the places that I’ve booked was like where there’s some space where they can run and be active and still have some sort of normal life within the six weeks that you’re almost away.

So you’re planning is key.

12:30

Finding Help & Building a Village

Great advice.

So on the point of travelling, Dwayne is away so much.

You said earlier that he’s away 147 days this year, half the year.

So what kind of support structure have you do you have in place to get everything done when he’s away?

12:49

Speaker 2

So I don’t have any family except my sister-in-law, but she’s got twins now.

So yeah.

So we don’t have family.

Yeah, we’ve got friends.

I’m very close family friends.

But I learned the hard way.

So in when Andrew was small, you know, you want to be a superwoman with your first child.

13:08

I can do everything myself.

And then trying to balance work, travel, kids, everything.

You realise I can now you, I’m, I’m a superwoman.

I’m giving myself that credit, but I need some support.

So I was lucky enough to find amazing people in my life with in the 12 years that Dwayne was playing rugby.

13:29

So it started off when I had the dance school where some of the moms became my friends and they helped me out because they kids dance by me.

And then they would help me out with, with Andrew.

And then as soon as you went to school, I, they, you, I made new amazing ladies.

13:45

And now my support system, I call them the fabulous Faith Cooker and they are my group of friends and we help each other.

We all have kids, we all and different ages, some more adversity.

Some are still babies.

14:01

And they know my needs and I know their needs and we just work as a team together.

I can’t go without them.

14:07

Speaker 1

That’s amazing.

I think because of how we love and how society is the community based living principle, we are losing out on that because we live in silos and we want to pretend like we can do everything ourselves.

14:25

So the stories like that, it’s so amazing and I think people should be encouraged to ask for help, accept help and put structures in place to actually have the.

14:38

Speaker 3

The courage.

14:39

Speaker 2

And.

14:39

Speaker 1

The freedom.

The freedom to us.

14:42

Speaker 2

Yes, now that it was a hard lesson, I wanted to do it on my own.

And you realise you can’t.

You need the support system, you need help and you have to ask for help because you don’t wanna ask for help.

Because then you think you’re weak and you’re not.

You’re actually a better mom by asking the not asking.

14:59

Speaker 1

Yeah, absolutely.

15:00

Love at a Distance

I agree completely.

So it’s not just about school runs and logistics when your partner is away, it’s also about missing out on the small joys and the connection.

How do you guys stay connected when he’s away so much?

15:16

Speaker 2

Yeah, luckily for technology, and I think I’ve had taught us, listen, you can actually make it work.

Luckily food technology, but I must say it’s difficult because now I’m the mom next to the rugby field on FaceTime.

15:31

Speaker 1

Ohh gosh.

15:32

Speaker 2

Sorry, running up and down with the game.

Luckily now with the older boy, they’ve got links and you can log in and you can actually watch the game.

But before all of that, I would run.

And so I think technology is crucial for us.

We have to have that communication.

15:49

It’s not physical touch, but at least you see each other because it’s different to speak over the phone than seeing a person.

Face, facial expressions, you know, all all of that plays a very big role, especially in kids because they can’t connect if they don’t see the person.

16:06

Yeah, when under a small in video call was not that big, you know.

16:12

Speaker 1

Some level it is not.

16:13

Speaker 2

No, it’s next level now.

Then Dwayne would phone and he would like, I like Papa and then run around, you know?

Yeah.

So now for me, that is important.

So that’s basically what we do.

And we always try to, when he gets back, we take a few days, just us as a family, just get back into the group.

16:30

Although I say to you when he gets back, sometimes he throws the whole routine today.

Why?

And it takes a few days.

Yeah.

So settle just two seats.

16:40

Solo Parenting Real Talk

All OK, So what are your greatest challenges sometimes of parenting alone besides him stirring the pot when he gets back?

16:51

Speaker 2

I think now that my boys are older, I realise they don’t need me anymore.

They need their father because they boys, I think even girls, I think girls also needed that with the boys, even though I know every single rugby rule, I understand the game, understand golf, I understand all of it.

17:13

I they don’t want me to show them it must be their dad because they think you don’t know and you’re.

And I think for for me it is especially with Andrew, emotional connections, you know, for me, when they’re small, it’s easy to pick up.

But as they get older, they, their emotions change, their personalities change.

17:32

And I think then you need the dad just to put some stuff into perspective.

So yeah, that’s my biggest challenge, just helping them.

But I can’t help they really understand what the.

17:44

Speaker 1

Stuff you just can’t do.

17:46

Words for the Overwhelmed Mom

Okay, so for a mom who feels stuck doing everything by herself today, what would your advice to her be?

Put everything.

17:55

Speaker 2

Down, go for a walk, clear your head and take day for day.

Don’t don’t judge yourself, don’t be hard on yourself, don’t be judgmental and say but why can’t I cope and this lady is coping.

18:12

Every situation is different.

Take a day, full day and just clear your head and decide what is important for today.

Not in a week, not in a month, not in a year.

What’s important today and take that day and go go with it to your best.

18:28

That’s great.

18:29

Speaker 1

Advice.

18:30

Rapid-Fire Mom Reflections

Thank you, Zoe.

So now we get to the final five, which is five questions every guest on moments answer.

OK.

And the first one is which part of your human experience, or HX like we like to call it here, What’s changed the most by becoming a mother?

18:49

Speaker 2

Patience think patients, even though I’m so bad, I’m very patient and I when I had, as I said, I had the dawn School so patient with other people’s kids, but not with my own.

I think that was my biggest change.

19:05

I had to adapt to okay, relax.

19:11

Speaker 1

I can relate to that.

19:13

Speaker 2

So what are?

19:14

Speaker 1

You most grateful for on your mom journey.

19:19

Speaker 2

Sean, I think you know the unconditional love that you just receive everyday from your kids.

They are just there and I’m grateful for them teaching me so many life lessons.

19:36

Little things that you don’t realise or you don’t think about and then you see it through their eyes and they teach you a lesson every single day.

Maybe a small one, maybe a big one.

So I think the lessons that they’ve told me is your priceless.

19:51

Speaker 1

Amazing.

And looking back, what would you did differently?

19:57

Speaker 2

This is always an interesting question for me because I don’t believe you should do things differently.

I think it was.

It was meant to happen.

Good or bad, and you need to decide what are you gonna make with it?

So I don’t necessarily want to change anything.

20:15

It made me who I am today.

So for me, no, I don’t think I’ll change anything because it was part of the story.

That is your life.

Yeah, I love.

20:25

Speaker 1

That perspective.

So I know your kids are still in primary school, but are you talking about parenting?

And if you are, what are you telling them about being a parent?

20:36

Speaker 2

It’s difficult.

No, I I think they need to know the basic stuff in life.

You need to be balanced, you need to have respect, you need to have a good foundation.

I think your foundation is always the most important.

20:51

I think if you with a good foundation down for your kids, your kids are eventually going to put a good foundation down for their for their kids one day.

So I think the foundation is very important and I think to love your parents because you only get them once.

21:08

So for me, it’s important that they need to know you need to love and adore your parents.

Even though we make them angry.

But yeah, but that love unconditional.

21:19

Speaker 1

Unconditional.

21:19

Speaker 2

Love about.

21:20

Speaker 1

Yeah.

So when you make parenting decisions, what’s your North Star that guides you?

21:28

Speaker 2

That is so difficult.

But I always ask the question to myself, if they are older and they what?

I’m gonna, I’m gonna parent now, how’s it gonna affect them when they are older and a parent?

21:45

Is it going to guide them in the right direction or not in the right direction?

Even though you need to take all the factors in consideration for me is what are they going to say?

For instance, if you say you’re not allowed to watch TV guy because you need to do your homework, are they going to understand why I said that to them when I have kids one day?

22:09

So I think the questions on how you do it must always reflect on are they gonna realise the lesson somewhere in their life?

So I try that.

That is my my way to do it, okay.

22:21

Speaker 1

That’s, that’s very interesting because I’ve also realised that when the kids understand the logic behind it, which is not always easy, yes, it it goes a bit more streamlined, yes.

22:34

Speaker 2

No, definitely.

They must understand.

And I think for me it’s very important that the kids know choices and consequences are based most of my life on a choice and a consequence.

The choice that you made is going make is definitely going to have a consequence at the either way, good or bad.

22:51

But you need to know how to take that and build from that and use it to better yourself at the end.

Yeah.

23:01

Closing Thoughts

Absolutely.

And just like that, we’ve reached the final whistle.

Ohh wow.

23:07

Speaker 2

18 minutes done.

23:09

Speaker 1

Is all.

Thank you so much for joining me today.

It was such a.

23:12

Speaker 2

Pleasure, I think.

23:13

Speaker 1

So many people are gonna love hearing your perspective behind the scenes.

What how parenting as a Springbok wife or a WAG.

Thanks so much for sharing that with us.

No, thank you.

So.

23:26

Speaker 2

Much for having me so much fun, so whether?

23:29

Speaker 1

You’re raising future books, raising your eyebrows, or raising your energy levels.

Just know you’re not alone.

You’re part of a tribe of moms doing hard things, big things, glorious things, even though there’s no crowd to cheer you on.

23:45

Thanks for watching.

Please follow us on Instagram, subscribe, and we’ll catch you next time.

Bye this episode.

23:54

Speaker 3

Of Moments is brought to you by Babies-R-Us and Toys-R-Us, your village through every messy, magical step of parenting.

24:03

Speaker 1

From first kicks.

24:05

Speaker 3

To Toddler Chaos, we’re here with love, guidance and.

24:09

Speaker 1

All the essentials you need to thrive because every.

24:12

Speaker 3

Moment matters.