Why Working Moms Must Stop Trying To Be Supermom

0:00

Breaking the Supermom Myth

Welcome to Moments.

This is the podcast we’re working moms get honest conversations, expert advice, and a community that’s yet to help you thrive.

0:21

If you’re exhausted, if you’re overwhelmed, if you’re lying in bed at night wondering why every other mom seems to be coping better than you, this episode is just for you.

There’s a toxic, unrealistic myth that moms are supposed to do it all.

0:38

And today I’m joined by Stacey McCann, the women who encourages mums to drop out of the Super mom culture.

She’s here to remind you that you are human.

A tagline is your needs matter too, which is a message every mom needs to hear.

0:58

Welcome, Stacey.

1:00

Speaker 2

Thank you so much for having me.

I appreciate just the having this conversation and spreading this message is so powerful.

1:09

Speaker 1

Absolutely.

The term super mom is so baked into our culture.

We celebrate mom’s for doing everything, which means everyone expects us to do everything all the time.

1:24

But you say this narrative actually makes us more anxious, more competitive, and sometimes even worse moms.

What does it mean to drop out of the Super Mom expectations?

1:39

Speaker 2

Yeah, it’s a great question.

I I think the intention behind the, the whole movement of Super Mom, I think the intention was a +1.

It was to get women into the workforce.

It was to get women to be able to dream big to, to do anything that they wanted to do with children, with a family, with a home.

1:59

But what happened is sort of this, you know, there’s a lot of history there, but with sort of this post feminism wave of like women were getting out of the house, we’re finally working, we’re holding full time jobs.

But the problem is that the only person who changed in this was us was women, right?

2:15

So everyone else just went around their about their day-to-day.

Nothing changed for men, nothing changed for greater society.

But suddenly there’s a great quote that we were suddenly chained to our desk and our home.

And now we had to do both without any help because nobody else stepped up to support mothers in that that venture.

2:34

So what happened is the supermom trope came into play and Mom’s rose to the occasion, but nobody else did.

So when we rose to the occasion, we took everything and then lost ourselves in the process.

So to reject Super Mom and to reject that sort of myth is that it is actually impossible to do it all right.

2:56

That that should never have been the goal.

The goal should never have been to be a highly successful, career oriented, gentle parent who has an amazing relationship with their spouse and still gets sit around the table at 6:00 every night.

3:11

Navigating Social Media Influences

That’s there should never have been the goal.

So to reject it, I think is just to reject the notion that I am not superhuman and that I don’t actually want to be perfect in all realms and it’s impossible.

I can’t be.

So I think to reject it is actually to give yourself empathy and grace and to sort of apologize to yourself and say, you know, I’m sorry you ever pushed you to be perfect in all of those realms.

3:36

So I think it’s actually this is sort of internal rejection.

3:39

Speaker 1

You sum it up so perfectly.

So it’s not a case of doing the bare minimum, it’s just opting out of the chaos of what women find themselves, the comparison culture and to mother on our own terms.

3:55

Speaker 2

Yeah, I I like that perspective of like it’s taking ownership over it, you know what I mean?

4:01

Speaker 1

Way and forget what other people think or what other people expect of you.

But of course, social media is a big driving force behind the competitiveness among moms.

There’s a very big difference between support of content and influencer content, which is perfectly curated.

4:22

How do we spot the difference?

4:25

Speaker 2

That, that’s another great question.

I think what I look for is nuance, right?

So the, the accounts and the posts that I find most problematic are the ones that are most black and white, right?

4:40

They are most, you know, you’re either this way or you’re that way and there’s no in between.

And so when I look for a social media, when I look for Internet content that I find supportive, I’m looking for nuance, A nuanced message that says no matter what your life looks like, no matter what phase you’re in, no matter how old your children or what our career is like, there’s peace out there for you, there’s calm out there for you.

5:04

And we can and and ownership and empowerment out there and we can find it.

You don’t have to be a stay at home mom.

You don’t have to be a full time career person.

It doesn’t matter.

We’ll find what works and we’ll use that to empower yourself.

So the message I’m looking for is like a very nuanced message that supports mothers in ebbing and flowing through motherhood, that motherhood is not black and white.

5:28

There is not one right way to be as a mom.

So, um, that really is what tells me that this, this content is supportive of my journey is if it’s, it’s not telling me I’m right or wrong, it’s just there to support me wherever I’m at.

5:44

Speaker 1

And there are also companies and corporations who profit greatly from keeping moms in OverDrive.

When we think of kids parties or the festive season, they make tons of money making moms believe they have to live up to a certain standard.

6:01

How do we take a step back and evaluate what we actually need and what we have energy for?

6:10

Consumerism and the Pressure to Perform

I think it is so interesting that moms are their own sort of consumeristic capitalistic, like pocket of spending.

And it is true that in most, you know, in most households, women are the spenders.

They’re the ones buying the diapers, They are the ones buying the formula or the bottles or the, you know, the pajamas and all that.

6:31

Women are the spenders in their homes.

So I think it makes sense that they’re targeted.

But I think this new piece of like, there’s also this target of like self-care consumerism, right?

That like just buy this eye cream and you’ll feel better.

Just buy this this bath product and suddenly like you’ll, you know, you’ll be the best mom ever or buy this parenting program and this parenting program is what’s going to change your life.

6:55

So a lot, a lot of people have just sort of noticed, I think what happens to is that the most vulnerable points of our population tend to get hit the hardest with consumerist messages, right?

And so I think along the way, people notice that moms were vulnerable, that moms were probably struggling through a lot of different facets of parenting and motherhood and said, I can make money off of that.

7:23

I can make money off of their vulnerability.

So I want to, you know, when we think about the spending, right, you the answer to all of this really is to take breaks from content is to step away, right?

It’s to sort of monitor like how much we’re spending time, how much we’re scrolling, how are we using scrolling?

7:45

How are we using sort of our Internet usage?

So I think that’s the number one thing to think about first, But but after that, you know, I just as far as spending goes, um, I really think considering like, what am I trying to do with this item, right?

8:01

If it’s for me, if it’s an item for me, right, And it’s not diapers for my child, what am I, what am I doing with this?

Do I think that this item is going to solve a problem for me?

And what is that problem?

And is it, is it an emotional problem?

Because if it’s an emotional problem, there’s no eye cream on the planet that’s going to solve that problem for me.

8:19

So I think kind of considering like what is the problem?

Is the problem that I have under eye circles, There’s the problem that I’m not sleeping for five nights in a row and that I have no help.

And if the problem is something that’s not like physical, it’s emotional, it’s maybe mental, then there’s no product that’s going to work for that.

8:41

So I just maybe a little like a little extra thought before you hit purchase of like, what am I?

What is this going to do for me?

What is this solving for me?

Is it just to make me happy?

Then maybe that’s okay, but is, is it trying to solve the fact that I haven’t slept in five months?

8:57

It’s probably not going to work.

So maybe take a step back from those purchases.

9:02

Finding Balance in Motherhood

But it is hard though, when you’re, it is really though, you’re being bombarded with content, right?

So it is really not just about you having to assess your choices.

It really is having to, to force yourself to shut it down because it will never stop.

There’s just too much benefit for the people selling you that information and that that product.

9:22

So it’s never going to stop.

Your job just has to be to monitor your content intake.

9:28

Speaker 1

And I think moms overspent completely to keep up with appearances and to keep their Superman status as.

9:34

Speaker 2

Well, there and that’s where you get social media comparison to come in, where you’re on Instagram and you are seeing people around you or even people you know everywhere and how they are posting about their motherhood.

And so you, you feel this innate sort of pressure and pull to kind of keep up.

9:53

It’s very normal.

We’re just what’s not normal is to be bombarded with the amount that we get every time we open our phone.

It used to just be our neighbors, like our literal neighbors across the street, and now it’s 10,000 social media accounts.

10:10

Speaker 1

Yeah, it creeps into every corner of our lives, so dropping out of the Super mom mode has a lot to do with boundaries.

But I find it super hard to find the balance.

Like when I think about a simple example like Elf on a Shelf.

10:30

I really want to create fun memories for my kids and I love seeing them get all excited about what the elf did when they wake up.

But I also find myself at 10:30 in the evening finger painting with chocolate ice cream on my kitchen counter and I’m thinking, why am I doing this to myself?

10:50

Speaker 2

But.

10:51

Speaker 1

Can we still be fun moms without drowning in expectations?

And how do we strike this balance?

11:00

Speaker 2

Yeah, that’s a great question.

Because I think what ends up happening is we assess it, we say it’s too much, I can’t do it.

But then we blame ourselves when we don’t do it.

And we say, you know, ohh, you’re not the fun mom or like, ohh, how you know, like, your kids are going to miss out and it’s your fault.

11:15

So it’s a really vicious cycle of like, yeah, we might choose to not engage in Elf on the Shelf, but then we end up feeling bad about it.

So when I think about adding in any sort of holiday activity, or like when I look at a holiday calendar, which is just jam packed for a lot of reasons, I think about if I want to add something like Elf on the Shelf, something like going to see Christmas lights or anything of that nature, if I want to add that, who is going to be responsible for the logistics of this task?

11:49

So when I think about Elf on the Shelf and maybe so my daughter’s sick and we’ve not done it and I don’t know if we’re going to do it or not.

She hasn’t asked yet.

11:55

The Importance of Boundaries

But when I think about it, I think who’s going to be responsible for the logistics is going to be me, right?

It’s going to be me unless I actively work to share that task.

If I can sit down and think, well, I do think my husband would be, you know, enjoy taking this on and maybe we could switch off nights and he could do one night and I could do the next night, then absolutely that feels like something that’s manageable.

12:17

But if I think about it and I think, well, it’s me and it’s always me.

It’s me to do all of this, all of the memory making, all of the the joy and the holiday can keeping and all of that.

I have a limit.

I also really like I kind of use this rule of one over holidays, which is if I’m going to see Christmas lights, if I’m going to visit Santa, if I’m going to do a Christmas craft or something like that, I do it once.

12:45

So I go to 1 Christmas lights, I go to 1 Santa visit and if somebody else invites me to another one, maybe it’s okay to say no, we already did it.

So I kind of lived by that rule.

If I’m going to be engaging in the logistics for all of this, then I say, you know, we’ll do it, but we’re going to do it once and because I can’t handle doing it more than once.

13:03

So I like that rule as well.

But I think the assessment is, is really to really be truthful with yourself.

Who is going to handle this?

Is it going to be you?

And are you going to be doing it for 24 nights for the next month?

13:20

And if so, is that something you can take on?

And it’s kind of giving yourself permission, sort of writing yourself a permission slip to a be truthful, to be have self empathy if you don’t want to do it and that’s okay.

And then to sort of forgive yourself for saying, you know, we’re not going to do it this year.

13:38

We have loads of other ways to make memories and have joy in the holidays.

13:45

Speaker 1

John, I love your advice and I think there are two things at play here to set up these boundaries or to find this balance.

And it’s one asking for help and the other one is to say no, which you just focused on and both sounds so simple, but both feels absolutely impossible at the same time.

14:08

Does it stem from a constant need to prove ourselves or where does this?

Why do we struggle with saying no and asking for help?

14:18

Speaker 2

I think it is very multifaceted.

I think women from the time they are born are really still taught not to bother people.

So they’re taught to take on other people’s stuff.

14:33

Their stress, their problems, help them help caregive, right?

Women are still very much raised as caregivers.

We take on other stuff and we support them and help them solve those problems.

But a lot of our experiences have been but our problems, we don’t want to bother others with those.

14:51

Don’t bother your father.

He’s had a hard day at work.

We’ll we’ll fix, we’ll worry about your own problem from school today, but we’re not going to bother him with it.

Right.

So it’s it’s very much still women should be seen and not heard.

And if we are heard, we’re too much.

And so when we engage in that through our childhood, as we grow up, when we’re taught not to use our voice, we stop using our voice.

15:14

Redefining a Good Mom

And when we stop using our voice, we’re not asking for help and we’re just saying yes to people please and to just keep the peace, right?

We’re just saying yes to to kind of keep everybody happy.

And then you add on this pressure from super mom syndrome, from social media, this comparison culture, and then you have like a double whammy of yes.

15:36

So I’m saying yes because I’m afraid to say no because in my history, saying yes was the easier way to do it.

Even if I have to self sacrifice to make it happen.

And everyone else is doing it, everyone else is going, everyone else is, you know, doing the things.

So I need to be doing those things too if I’m a good mom.

15:53

So it’s really this double whammy.

And that’s in my work with moms.

One of the number one things that we work on is really just using their voice is starting to speak up about their needs, starting to advocate for themselves, starting to advocate for basic things like a shower and a meal and alone time or sleep.

16:17

And then once we sort of start advocating for those basic needs, then we start talking more about the mental load and talking more about why planning this birthday party isn’t as simple as buying cookies at the grocery store and waiting for kids to show up.

That there’s, there’s so much to all of this.

16:34

And that now the expectation is I’m going to say it out loud.

And now the expectation is you’re going to help and it’s not.

And, and, and I’m even getting away from using like asking for help.

And now I’m really, I really prefer to stay like advocating, but also like expecting when we are in a relationship with somebody, a long term relationship where we’re building a family.

16:57

I think it is absolutely appropriate that the expectation is that we help each other with this stuff.

So I feel like when we ask for help, it’s like a favour, but it’s not a favour.

It should be part of this relationship every single day.

So I think there’s a huge history behind it.

17:14

There’s a long way to go from a societal standpoint, from just sort of a how we raise our girls standpoint, but I think the work is in using our voice and that can be very empowering.

17:28

Speaker 1

I absolutely agree, so much.

So Stacey, if you could rewrite the definition of a good mom, like you said earlier, how would that definition read?

17:40

Speaker 2

Ohh that’s a that’s a hard question.

I think the definition of a good mom is, I think two things.

Um, I might add more to that, but for right now, let’s go with two things.

One is that you are, you’ve identified your values and you are, you are being a mom according to your values, whatever your values are that you are mothering to match what in your gut is telling you is the right way to do things.

18:11

Practical Steps to Drop Out of Supermom Culture

I don’t care what social media says.

I don’t care what your mother-in-law says.

I don’t care what anybody else says.

That you are mothering according to what you believe is the right way to do this and and that you maybe engage in your partner with that, that we have partnered values that we are mothering and fathering or mothering and mothering according to those values.

18:31

So that’s number one #2 I find the most successful and I use successful very loosely because being a mother is not being productive, right?

That’s not, it’s not about productivity.

But I find the most at peace, calm, content mothers are the ones who are flexible.

18:49

They are they, they mesh and mold with the tide, right?

So they kind of roll with their baby’s sleep regression and they kind of roll with their toddlers feeding stuff.

And it’s not that it doesn’t cause stress, but they they sort of step back and say I’m not in control of my child.

19:10

I’m only in control of myself.

And when I mother through all of this stress and anxiety that I acknowledge I cannot control a lot of this, but I, I have to work on my own regulation, my own needs, my own support so I can help my toddler through this feeding stuff.

19:28

So it’s this is like ability to to, to mold mesh, be fluid in motherhood and not sort of just be like, well, I’m this kind of mom and I do it this way.

The problem is that that fluidity often requires a support system.

19:44

It’s very hard to be fluid without a safety net for yourself, without a support system, without a partner saying, hey, take a break, I’ll tap in.

When you don’t have that, it can be very hard to be fluid.

So that support system really is necessary for that.

19:59

But I think I, I think that’s how I would define being a good mom is, is mothering to your values, mothering to what feels right for you, staying in touch with your mom gut and listening to yourself and then working.

As hard as possible to be fluid and to let go of what I can’t control and to only work on controlling what I can, which is me.

20:21

Speaker 1

That’s amazing advice.

Thank you, Stacey.

20:25

Speaker 2

Thank you.

20:27

Speaker 1

Drop out of the Super Mom Club.

What is the first step or the first thing she needs to stop doing today?

20:39

Speaker 2

Um, I, I kind of prefer to think of it as one thing to start doing today, right?

So it’s really, it’s hard to kind of narrow down what to stop because in motherhood, sometimes choosing to stop something means that our kids suffer.

21:01

I you suffer loosely, but like that, that it means that our kids aren’t getting in need met.

And a lot of moms are not willing to do that.

21:08

The Final Five: Reflections and InsightsFollow

I also find if you are changing habits, adding is a lot more positive than subtracting.

So even, you know, if you’re trying to eat differently, adding vegetables feels a lot better than like saying I can’t eat pasta anymore.

21:24

So I think of it that way too, that like adding something to my motherhood is probably going to support me to stop making choices that don’t benefit me or choices that that require sacrifice.

So my, my first tip is to sort of sit down on a daily basis and assess what are my basic needs, What do I need everyday to feel like a human being, to feel like I’m awake, to feel like I can take on all the things that I have to do today.

21:53

So these are things like good, you know, food.

And I’m not even saying like vegetables, but just like a good meal.

That’s not just like Mac and cheese from the bottom of the pot, right?

So like maybe a meal, maybe some mother’s benefit from a workout and they want to move their body.

22:09

Some just need fresh air.

And so maybe a walk suffices water, um, brushing your teeth, um, putting on real clothes, taking a shower and I, you know, just kind of assessing what are the top five that I, that are things that I just need everyday.

22:25

And then when you look at your day, this a, another therapist friend gave me this trick, which is to breakdown your day into maybe thirds or fourths.

So you know, like 1/4 of the day or a third of the day.

And every chunk of that day you work to meet the four or five basic needs that you’ve narrowed down.

22:44

So if it’s movement, water, food with some protein, then every chunk of that day, I’m trying to meet those needs.

So once in the morning, once around midday, once in the afternoon, once in the evening, what it’s doing there is you’re, you’re shifting some priority over to yourself by meeting your basic needs every day.

23:07

Um, you have to, you have to start prioritising that.

But when you just tell your mom to prioritise themselves, they’re not going to do it or they don’t know how because they haven’t for a really long time.

So I like this way, starting this way of like, let’s be concrete and think of the four or five basic things I need to function and then start there and make sure those are consistent.

23:27

So I don’t want anybody adding a crochet hobby or pickleball or starting tennis lessons until they’re showering and eating food on a regular basis and drinking water and getting fresh air.

So we start there, get that consistent, and then you can start adding more.

23:45

And as you add more, what you’re going to find yourself doing is valuing your needs being met and then prioritising that.

And so then when somebody says, hey, you want to go see Christmas lights for the seventh time this holiday, then you can say, actually, no, I, you know, I really need to get sleep.

24:03

We haven’t been sleeping well.

And my sleep is really valuable.

So I need to say no to that.

And it just starts happening automatically.

24:11

Speaker 1

That is such good advice and the way you unpack it and explain it makes so much sense.

I have this big beave of all these messaging around filling your own cup but it doesn’t actually look like and I think you just explained it spot on.

24:29

Like, it’s as basic as putting on real clothes or taking a shower or brushing your teeth.

So Stacey, we’ve reached the final five, which is five questions every single guest on moments answer.

24:47

And the first one is which part of your human experience was changed the most when you became a mom?

24:54

Speaker 2

Um, it, it’s such a big question, um, that, you know, I think so.

I don’t know if you’ve heard of the program Fair play.

It’s written by Eve Brodsky.

25:10

She wrote a follow up book to that is called Unicorn space.

And Unicorn space talks about your, your freedom to create.

And I say create.

I don’t just mean art, but it could be cooking, it could be dancing, it could be and anything that you enjoy doing just that fulfills you, right.

25:26

And so I think for me, what I found is after becoming a mom, I really felt this explosion of thoughts, ideas, creation and that Unicorn space, I just had to access it.

And that’s where the hurdle is, right?

25:43

Is that like, I want to be able to access all of this time and effort that I want to put into creative endeavour into myself, but I couldn’t figure out how to access it, which is how this whole path started.

But I think that for me, that’s what changed is this this sort of explosion of Unicorn space that I felt drawn to access that really sort of made me function and and live everyday in a little bit of a different way.

26:13

I was finding energy in sort of in creating something new and using my hands and being productive in a way that wasn’t just unloading the dishwasher or folding the laundry.

That was suddenly like about processing my emotions and getting out my stress through creation and creativity.

26:35

So I find now in motherhood, now that my daughter is like 6, that we’re kind of doing that together that, you know, we have a rough day and we come home that we create or we engage together in, in finding that.

So I think it has sort of changed the trajectory for how I how I deal with stress and anxiety, how I cope and how I sort of function everyday.

26:57

Speaker 1

That’s such a great answer.

And Stacey, looking back, what would you do differently?

27:06

Speaker 2

You know, I I find it hard because my daughter was born about 10 months before the pandemic began.

And so I did not have a lot of control over how her first really two years were spent.

27:23

Obviously if I could change that, I would, but I don’t have control over that.

So, but I think, you know, I think going back, I probably would have try to use my voice sooner.

Um, I think the work that I’ve done with other mothers has been very healing for me as well and really taught me a lot about myself and about the empowerment that I have in my own voice.

27:50

But I do definitely wish that I had done that a little bit sooner.

But even before children, even before having my daughter like that, I wish that I had seen the power in using my voice just as a young single woman.

Um, so I think that would be, but you know, I don’t know.

28:09

I don’t know if the stars were aligned for that to happen because you’re kind of given a path as a woman and I sort of stayed on that path.

But that’s that’s what I would have hoped to have done differently.

28:24

Speaker 3

I can identify.

28:25

Speaker 1

So greatly with the pandemic story.

My daughter is 6/2.

She was five months old when it all started, so I get.

28:35

Speaker 2

You.

What are you most?

28:36

Speaker 1

Grateful for in your mom journey.

28:41

Speaker 3

Um, I feel.

28:42

Speaker 2

Very grateful that I have a village.

It’s not the biggest village.

It’s not, you know, I’m sure.

28:52

Speaker 1

There are other people with.

28:53

Speaker 2

Much larger villages, but I have one and and I think that when you have a baby, there are are a lot of barriers there.

There are advantages and there are barriers, right?

So some of us are naturally, because of our path, have advantages and some of us have barriers.

29:13

And I am so grateful that when I had my daughter, I had the advantage of a village that I did not have a barrier in place already, where I was isolated, where I was separated, where I did not have a family to turn to for support.

29:28

So I’m extremely grateful for that village.

I think it has allowed me to take this journey that I have taken thus far.

Um, I’m also very grateful that I only have one child and not everyone can say that or wants to say that and I’m totally fine with it.

29:46

But for me, having one child allows me to really pour into her.

And I think that that has allowed me to find this journey through what I said before, which is like finding my values and being fluid and motherhood in, in it sooner in a different way.

30:07

And it has allowed me to support other moms in that journey too.

So for me personally, I am grateful that I I have only one because it has allowed some of that for me.

30:19

Speaker 3

What are you telling?

30:20

Speaker 1

Your daughter about parenting.

30:24

Speaker 3

Well.

30:24

Speaker 2

It depends on the day.

Um, this morning was not the, the best message, but even, you know, I, what I try and tell her is, you know, I have a job to do and that my job is to keep her healthy and safe.

30:41

And her job is to be kid and to play and to do all the fun things and that I want to do all those fun things with her.

But grown-ups also have a job and parents have a job and that’s some of the stuff.

That’s why we have rules.

That’s why we have sure.

So that’s why we have you have to take a bath and that’s why we we do those things.

30:58

So I what I try and, and the message that I try and send is that being a mom is amazing and wonderful and, and I would never change it and, and for anything in the world.

But it is also very hard because I have to balance my job and just wanting to play and be, be her, be with her, right.

31:19

So, um, I also, you know, what I’m trying to show her about motherhood is that a, it’s not the right goal is not to be perfect.

The right goal is not to have it all or do it all or be it all.

That super mom is not the goal that the goal is to be balanced and that the goal is to work together with her dad to achieve that balance.

31:41

And so I try and highlight that as well that this is a team.

We are a team.

We have a system here and one person can’t carry the whole team.

So as she gets older, she has to participate in that team, she has to participate in the home and all of that stuff.

31:56

But that’s the sort of the second thing about parenting is that we all have to work together to to make this happen, to do the fun things we want to do, to, to just be peaceful and happy together.

And so my hope is that she’s taking in that message.

32:14

Speaker 3

A good.

32:15

Speaker 2

Message.

32:16

Speaker 1

I must say is your north star when you make parenting decisions I think.

32:24

Speaker 2

You know, we talked about values earlier and that’s definitely part of it, but I, I was thinking about this and I, I think it is really our attachment.

So when I make parenting decisions, the number one factor at play is how will this affect our attachment?

32:41

Meaning when I put in put a consequence in play, when I am frustrated and I want to yell I I do.

It doesn’t always work because I’m human and I’m gonna make mistakes.

But when I think about it, what I’m trying to think about, is this going to harm our relationship?

32:59

Is this going to sort of just sort of put a little, a little nick in our attachment, right.

And, and I just think about that.

And that doesn’t mean there can never be consequences.

There have to be consequences and there have to be boundaries.

There have to be rules.

But it is absolutely possible to enforce consequences and rules and boundaries in a way that doesn’t, that doesn’t interfere with attachment that has no shame included in it.

33:23

It’s just the way it is.

When you throw something, it has to go in the closet because it’s not safe.

And I can absolutely send that message without shame, right?

Without like you’re a bad kid because you threw that that thing.

So I think, I think about attachment and for me I think the big question there is will this trigger shame in my child?

33:43

And if it will, then that is not the right choice.

It is not a choice I want to make, so attachment, and I think the shame that would go along with that, are things that I try and really prioritise when I make those decisions.

33:58

Speaker 3

Yeah, that’s that’s.

33:59

Speaker 1

Very true.

That’s something to think about.

Stacy, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your heart with us today.

This conversation is going to free so many moms from the pressure they didn’t even realise they were carrying.

I’m truly grateful you joined me on Moments.

34:18

Thanks.

Thank you so much for having.

34:20

Speaker 2

Me.

It was such a great conversation, I appreciate it.

One idea from.

34:24

Speaker 1

Today, Maybe it’s asking for help.

Maybe it’s saying no, it’s ditching comparison culture or adding something positive to your life because nothing changes until you do and you deserve a life that doesn’t drain you.

34:40

Thank you for listening and remember to share it with another mom who needs to hear it to.

Your needs matter too.

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