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Parenting “Firsts and Lasts”: The Emotional Journey

So you know how we eagerly await all the firsts in our children’s lives.

The first tooth, the first steps, the first day of school, the first sports match and even the first school dance.

But what we don’t realise is that there’s also a lot of loss.

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The last time you breastfeed, the last time little outstretched arms ask for an uppity, or the last time they snuggle into your bed.

I, for one, can’t wait for that very last lunch box.

As mothers, we also experience a lot of firsts and lasts.

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The first time you hear Mama, The first time you dropped them at nursery school, and that cocktail almost like a chocolate martini of guilt and freedom.

And the first time he returned after maternity leave.

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Or maybe the last time you returned to that specific job.

Today we chat about career transitions and unexpected firsts on your mother A journey.

I’m your host Madge, and this is Moment.

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Joining me today is Daniella Funnier Eden.

She’s an accomplished journalist, podcaster and speaker based in Johannesburg with over a decade of experience in the South African media landscape, her career spans print, online and television news.

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Daniëlla’s Shift: From Journalism to Corporate Communications

She recently transitioned to corporate communications and that makes the perfect person to chat to me about career transitions.

In the name of family.

Welcome, Daniella.

1:48

Speaker 2

Thank you so much, Maggie.

I’m excited to be here and to speak to you today.

1:52

Speaker 1

So the balance between career and family and the reality of compromises, sacrifices, and the beauty of new beginnings is exactly what we want to unpack today.

But first, I want to chat about your very impressive career.

What drew you to journalism in the first place?

2:09

Speaker 2

Thanks so much, Meg.

It’s actually been, I think, a part of me my whole life.

And, you know, we say journalism and news, but I think the gist of it is just telling stories.

And I was a kid growing up.

I just loved going to the library.

Yes, I’m very nerdy in that sense.

2:26

I loved reading newspapers.

And I always thought maybe I would be a librarian or a teacher.

And then one day when I was about 15 years old and I got to go to a school newspaper course, I was part of my school newspaper and it was built to Afrikaans newspaper that year in the northern parts of the country.

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And they told us, taught us how to make your own school newspaper.

And one of their senior editors, they told me journalism is a career where you get paid not a lot, but you do get paid to be inquisitive.

And I thought, well, that’s me.

I get to, right.

2:59

I get to tell stories.

I’m a very inquisitive person.

So I was really blessed in that regard, that for me, I had that kind of click moment at 15 years old.

And ever since, I just knew that that’s what I wanted to do.

I loved writing.

I loved hearing stories.

So I went on from school newspaper to varsity newspaper to actually working at built the very same paper that presented that school newspaper course.

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And later I also ventured into TV news until recently, where I made this big career ship.

But we’ll get to that because of family and, and, and the issues that I have there that I had to make a bit of a career change.

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Speaker 1

What were some of the highlights and challenges of being a prime time news anchor, especially as a mother?

3:42

Challenges of News Anchoring as a Mom

You, they were so many highlights and before I was actually a news anchor.

That’s a bit more of a stable job.

I actually moved to being a news anchor at the same time that I had children because there you actually have office hours.

You know when you go into the office, you know when you’re shift ends.

Before that I was a field reporter and that is an amazing and amazing job.

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I really liked it.

And you get to go all over the country.

Sometimes you even travel internationally and and you know, when you say it, that sounds very glamorous.

It’s not because I think it’s the there’s, there’s a lot of contrasts in the job.

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One day you’ll get to go to courts and you will year horrific stories of child abuse, but another day you will be the first person to go on the how train.

Back in 2010, I was one of the first to actually go on the how train.

And the next you interview someone who is a change maker or a inspiration.

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So it’s a career that really opens up your world.

I come from quite a small town in the NW province, but just through them and journalism took me out of my comfort zone and it took me to places I otherwise would have never been interviewed, people I needed, never would have, from other languages, other cultures, other countries.

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So it has been something that is really broadened my horizons and in every sense of the word.

But of course the challenges are very unexpected events everyday that you have to cover and days that are very unpredictable.

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You have to be where the news happens.

So I remember I would be on my way to maybe a court case one day when I was a field reporter and then you would hear now, but a truck exploded 3 hours from where you are, turned the car around and you go.

This is all very exciting when you’re in your 20s and you don’t have kids.

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But the moment you have children and you have to know when you have to take them to school or be back at home, it really becomes a challenge.

So they now moved to becoming a news anchor where I had more of an office job, so to say, but it was still shifts and challenging hours because I still had to work evenings, like you say, prime time news.

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We were on air every evening, 7:00, which means I went into the office in the afternoon.

It was a full day in the office but my day was afternoons and early evenings.

And as my children grew older they just became more and more of a problem because I was not home in the afternoon.

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So in the evenings and they started to go to school in the mornings and I realised if this would continue I would hardly ever see them and that was not really an option for me.

So I made a change.

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Speaker 1

That is so interesting to hear all the stories and I’m sure you had such an exciting time and knowing you a little bit, I know that media ticked all your boxes, your creativity, your storytelling and your personality.

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And you’ve got that beautiful voice.

It was so perfect for for reading the news every night.

But I do understand that having an office job, even though it had different hours, made more sense once you became a mother.

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But still, Suicide hour in my house is between 6:00 and 8:00.

How did you manage in terms of late nights away and not being there?

I’m very interested, and I’m sure many other moms will be too, of how your husband did this by himself.

7:02

Balancing Late Nights, Nannies & Family Support

No, so luckily he didn’t.

So my husband, we actually meet when I was working at the newspaper cause he was a newspaper photographer back then.

Now he’s a freelancer.

He’s a freelance videographer and photographer and of course a big help.

He is a very hands on dad and no ways I could do it without him.

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But the reality is that sometimes he’s away for work as well.

Now that he’s a freelancer, he gets a booking, sometimes he’s away for five days going to Kenya or another part of the country.

So I was very fortunate whistle am in the sense that I realised even just when I had my children that I would not be able to do the job that I had been without stating nanny.

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So from the onset, I think when my eldest seminar was four months old, we had a wonderful nanny and the first two or three years her husband they moved and she also moved.

We have another wonderful stay in nanny now.

But for me they I would simply not be able to do my job if it was not for that.

7:58

So you say how did I do it?

I didn’t really do it if it wasn’t for help, both from my husband who was yet at times, maybe on weekends when the nanny was off and he’s not working then he would take over.

At other times she would be a help and most of the times it would be the two of them together because I also have a second little girl.

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Now at the moment my eldest is almost five years old, the youngest just turned 2.

So you know, the past two years were rough.

We had a baby and a toddler in the house and as as every mum would know, even one set of hands feels like it’s not enough.

So if I wasn’t here, usually the two of them or either one of them, which would take on that role of suicide hour, like you say.

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And it’s a strange thing because like you say, it is suicide hour.

It is rough.

But also at the same time, when you miss it so often as I did and you’re not there, you also realise that that it’s important to be there not all the time.

I’m not saying you should be there all the time and I believe that you can chase your goals and go for your dreams.

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But for me, it just felt like I could not balance everything anymore.

My days, they’re all out of whack with it worked really well before children, but it just did not work that I came home in the evenings. 8 o’clock 9:00 I’ve always got into bed too late.

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Then before I had kids, I could sleep late, I could catch up.

But now my kids go to school, so I had to be up before 6 again, meaning I just got six hours of sleep on a good night.

And then I take them to school.

I’d have a bit of the morning free, then I have to go to work.

I didn’t see them.

So in that regard, I I didn’t manage and that’s why I had to make a change.

9:34

Speaker 1

So would you say that that was your cue, that was how you knew it was time to step back?

9:42

Realising the Need for a Career Change

Yes, I’m over time you can just feel that this will not work long term.

And another big thing, that was my eldest daughter, she is in great all over now.

Next year she’ll be in great.

Ohh, that’s part of the primary school.

I have a lot of friends with kids who’s a bit older.

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They’re kids are already in primary school and I really see how busy they are in the afternoons.

I want my kids to also be able to do extra murals and extracurricular activities.

And I just realised that if I’m never around, that would not be possible.

It just wouldn’t, um, what if my husband is away on a two week trip?

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I’m at the office, I can’t leave the office everyday.

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Planning for Remote Work & Family Flexibility

When I actually just get there, that is when they extramural starts.

So I started thinking ahead and while I could still kind of just juggle things at the moment, as it was, I realised as my kids get older, I would have to be more present in the afternoons and early evenings.

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So it’s actually been, I’ve been planning for a while.

I started thinking what would I have to change?

I would have to change it.

And I realised that I live in Johannesburg, um, there’s a lot of traffic here.

I don’t want to be stuck in traffic everyday.

I don’t wanna rush between an office and my children.

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So I looked for a remote job and it’s been, I would say at least two years.

I sent out a lot of CVS.

I actually said no to a bunch of great offers, you know, financially, especially as I turned down a lot of offers because I knew what I needed was a job that offered me remote work, flexible working hours where I can manage my own time.

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So I wasn’t in a rush and I waited patiently for the right opportunity.

And I’m very blessed and very thankful that it’s about just over a month ago now that I started at this new job that ticks all these boxes.

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Speaker 1

That’s amazing how life just has a way of working out at exactly the right time.

So did you experience any uncertainties in this transitioning period professionally?

11:43

Transitioning with Confidence & Patience

I have to say, a lot of people ask me that and I actually didn’t because I had the time to figure it out because I’ve been applying for jobs so long.

I think if I applied for something and I got to offer and I took it immediately, they would be.

But the whole process and the fact that I waited so long, frustrating as it was, really gave me certainty that this is what I needed.

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That my previous job, as much as I loved it, that it was not working for our family scenario as it is at the moment.

And the fact that I went for a lot of interviews and I actually turned down some office just gave me certainty in what I wanted.

12:20

So on the one hand, I was very frustrated that what I was dreaming of and having 4 didn’t happen.

But on the other hand, when I finally did get what I was looking for, I knew that it was the right thing and not that they could be perfect.

No job is perfect.

Every job has its challenges.

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But I knew that this job that I have now as a corporate communications manager in the education sector, and it’s a remote job, the whole company works remotely and flexibly.

This is part of their culture.

I also realise that is something that I have to look for where the culture of the company is remote work.

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So I had time to establish this is what I want for this spot in my life and that I also had time to make peace with the fact that yes, I love journalism.

I’ve always wanted to be a journalist.

I had certain dreams maybe when I was growing up, but also to realise that that is not part of my identity.

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I think that’s something a lot of people who love their jobs so much, whether it be journalism or whatever.

You kind of think this is who I am.

13:18

Finding Identity Beyond the Job Title

I am a journalist and it’s been good for me to while I was applying for jobs to realise that I can be something else and still be me and still have a passion for telling stories.

Not necessarily in the way that I used to in news and in traditional media, but I can find other outlets of doing that.

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I also have I have Afrikaans parenting podcasts and that is where I now practice my love for telling stories.

So it’s actually been really good for me and to kind of distance myself from my identity as Daniela is a journalist.

No, I love journalism, but I am not only a journalist and I can be a journalist and a storyteller really without doing it as a full time job.

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Speaker 1

That is so refreshing and it’s almost a a message I am so glad that we’re putting out there for other women because I feel like sometimes we do this education and we climb the corporate ladder and we spend years and years creating this career and then stepping back.

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It almost feels like you’re turning your back on something that you’ve spend so much time building and like you said so accurately, it becomes part of your your identity.

So what would you tell other mothers if they have you didn’t have trouble stepping away, But if someone really doesn’t want to, how?

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How should we manage this transition?

Or finding time for our families.

Or just finding that balance.

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Advice for Moms Considering Career Transitions

That’s a hard one because I think people are so different.

This is what works for me, but I never want to tell people step away from your career, your family is what lost.

This is my story.

I realised that one day when I die, I will not wish that I spent more time at the office or more time pursuing my career.

15:16

For me, I really it was easy to narrow down that my passion isn’t per se journalism, it’s telling stories and I can find another outlet of doing that.

So maybe for someone else this will not work.

So I am cautious to tell someone what to do.

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But what I may maybe can say is that there is other ways that you can live out that passion that you have, whether it be teaching or maybe working with finances or whatever it may be.

So firstly, take your time.

I think that that may be good advice.

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I didn’t just jump ship and change into a new career overnight.

I took the time I wrote down, I kind of crafted this vision of what I was looking for and I turned down a lot of seemingly really good opportunities.

Like I say, I told myself I got this really good offer financially, much more than I used to earn, and I said no for it.

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But I realised it still doesn’t fit the bill.

I would still have to go into the office everyday and the office was even farther from where I wanted to be.

So that wasn’t the goal.

So I I wrote down or I mentally actually wrote down, but I also had a list of what am I looking for?

And for me, it was something that gives me the freedom and the flexibility to craft my own day.

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And then what I love to do that wasn’t as a part of that job.

I just found another outlet for that in in terms of the podcasts and other freelance work that I can still do.

And I also looked for a job that still allows me to do this.

I made sure from the gate go when I was interviewing, telling them, listen, I have this podcast.

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Can I concede continue doing this and my new employer did not mind at all.

So think about your goals, think about what you want.

Do not be too hasty.

Take your time to look for the right opportunity and find other outlets where you can maybe live out that passion of yours that is not part of your full time job.

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If that that helps at.

17:06

Speaker 1

All Yeah, it’s great advice.

I, I, I love that you were so almost professional about the transition and that you had such a good plan and structure that you knew, listen, this is not what I want and this is what I want.

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And I won’t move until I get something that is precisely what I have in mind for me, but also for my family.

And that’s amazing.

Do you think that more moms still have to make changes or sacrifices or compromises than dads when it comes to career shifts?

17:46

Navigating Career Sacrifices & Family Dynamics

Once again it’s a difficult 1 and I realised that my opinion on this matter is not what is popular at the at the moment.

I know the natural answer will be yes and moms are the ones that carry the extra load and there’s certain things.

Of course that is true.

18:02

I think we all know the mental load and all of that.

But I also think it’s very specific to to two families.

You know, my husband made big changes himself to be with the kids each year.

He chooses to be a freelancer to not cut climb any corporate lab ladder.

18:17

He’s never going to be CEO.

And he’s fine with that because he gets to work from home.

Sometimes he’s away from home.

But that time when I was actually working as a new news anchor, he got to see the kids way more than I did, spent more time with them than I did.

So in in our family, that was not the case.

18:35

And I think once again, I worked in journalism and the companies that I’ve always worked for were very, very open and helpful to the fact that I was a mother.

There was always room for when I wanted to express that work.

18:50

People tried to assist me with that.

When I had to go and fetch the kids from school, it wasn’t an issue.

I just realised that I had the kind of job where I had to be there.

I worked in a newsroom.

I actually rate the news.

You can’t do that from home.

So I realised that I had to be there and it would be unfair to expect for me to then every afternoon be able to maybe go get fetch the kids from school.

19:11

Just the kind of work did not allow for it.

But I always found a lot of support from my colleagues and my managers.

Um, when I was a mother, even when I was on maternity leave, I, I really did not have issues in that regard.

19:25

Cultivating a Positive Mindset in Motherhood

So I know there there’s a lot of women who will disagree with me and, and, and of course, based in their reality, it, it might be so, but I also think it’s very much a mindset thing often and I have chosen from the get go in motherhood, hard as it is and challenging as it is, I do not like to paint myself as a victim and to say things like, because I’m a woman, this and that.

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I just find that it’s not a good space for me to be in.

I like to to tell myself that I can do things and I’ll find a way and I’ll fix, fix a problem and I’ll find a solution.

It’s also what I want to teach my daughters instead of telling them because you’re a goal.

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This will be hard for you in life.

I will rather tell them that it’s it’s fantastic to be a goal.

It’s awesome to be a woman.

Women are strong and powerful.

And if someone stands in your way, laugh at them and make a plan instead of like lamenting whatever is in your way.

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The Power of Supportive Partnerships

So I think mindset has a lot to do with it, not negating the, the very real issues that women do face in society and of course, gender based violence and all of that.

I am not making light of those issues.

I’m just saying that I think mindset in terms of motherhood and and not telling yourself because I’m a woman this and that and because I’m a mother, it’s more and more difficult and, and working with your partner.

20:44

I think being in a good relationship, a healthy relationship where you can speak with your partner or your husband about who does what at certain stages of their life is makes a big difference.

I have a wonderful husband.

He never told me to make this career change.

21:00

It was, it was me and when I’ve done it, he said he was really glad he could see that I was struggling, but he never wanted to tell me.

He thinks I should be home more.

It’s something that I could realise by myself.

But he supported me whatever in in whatever I undertook.

So like I say I can’t speak for everyone but but I like a a powerful and capable motherhood mindset.

21:24

Speaker 1

That’s lovely, I love that for you and I do realise that there’s so many employers and corporate companies that do actually are more mom compatible these days, but also our husbands are much more supportive.

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The wings of change are definitely blowing in terms of gender roles and what’s expected of mothers and who’s the breadwinner and who’s more successful.

And it’s very refreshing to see that in in more and more in our society.

22:00

So, Daniella, would we ever see you back in The Newsroom in some other capacity?

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Speaker 2

That’s a good question.

And the thing that I’ve learned in the past few years, managers actually, that I don’t make too sick plans anymore.

You know, when you start off in your 20s, it’s where do you see yourself in five years and in 10 years?

And when I started as a journalist, my dream, like many others in my class was that we wanted to be the magazine editor of a high fashion magazine of Cosmopolitan or a sorry magazine.

22:29

But I realised, you see that the media landscape is forever changing.

So your dream of whatever you might want to do does not might not exist in five and 10 years time, But on the flipside, there’s opportunities in five and 10 years time that they weren’t by the time you you have those dreams.

22:47

So definitely you might still see me in newsrooms.

And you know, five years ago, I did not know that I could sort of podcast.

You did not know that you could sort of podcasts.

And that’s how things are changing.

Yes.

So it’s exciting.

So I don’t have these 5 and 10 years plans anymore and I am a bit more flexible with that and I just make peace with the fact that I love telling stories.

23:09

I love telly, meeting people, interviewing them and at the this moment in my life, actually telling stories of motherhood as well.

Same as you.

That is really an exciting place to be in and the feedback and I think the need for this kind of thing is very high at the moment that people really welcome it.

23:27

And that is the excitement of the Internet and being able to publish your products are non traditional media.

You have previously you had to be on a traditional radio station or you had to have a TV show.

Now these creative ways of telling these stories and sharing information and and that’s exciting for me.

23:48

So you might see me in a newsroom in five to 10 years time or on some other media platform that someone somewhere is sitting and developing right now.

But but the crux of it is, is storytelling.

And that I will keep doing regardless.

24:01

Madge’s Journey: Magazines to Marketing

It is so wonderful to see how technology and life just brings new opportunities.

You mentioned magazines.

I was in magazines for 10 years and then because of my kids, I transitioned into marketing and that opened up a world of new things to learn, a whole new industry, tourism and hospitality to explore, and the opportunity to actually also venture back into storytelling, but in a whole different way, which is Moments and what we’re doing here today.

24:43

And it’s been the most incredible journey.

So the new beginnings and the the set plans, there’s definitely room for that.

But having an open mind and trusting the process, that’s for me, the magic, the secret sauce is trusting the process because this path that we’re on, we’re not in control.

25:09

And to just let things happen and go with the flow, that’s where that’s where the magic happens.

25:17

Timing Life Changes with Family Needs

And now that you mentioned that, it’s actually been so amazing looking back at this whole career change that I’ve done just to see how the timing has worked out.

I’m sitting here in, I like to call it my clock face.

It’s a closet office.

But this used to be the baby room just about two months ago.

25:35

And at the exact same time, when I started that, this new job, it was the same time that my youngest daughter was actually due to move out of the cots and out of the baby room.

She moved with her sister into the room.

So at that exact same time, as I got to work from home, the space opened up that I could now utilise as my Home Office.

25:53

And they were just a few things like that, actually a bunch of things like that that that I saw looking back, I was waiting and waiting and waiting for the right opportunity, wandering, praying.

When is it going to happen?

Why is it not happening?

I’m really hoping for this.

I want to spend more time with my family.

And now that I look back, it is wonderfully amazing to see how literally it happened at the exact right time in so many regards.

26:16

And as the typical thing of 1 Door nosing in that other opening up, excuse the cliche, but as I completed my career working in news, and I have to say there as well that I don’t have regrets because I, I did everything that I want, that I wanted.

I, I was a field reporter for many years.

26:32

I did live out that passion fully.

So I can close that chapter with a full heart.

But as that door closed, now a bunch of new things are coming along.

My podcast is suddenly growing as well.

And there’s other opportunities coming along and things that would not have happened was I not brave enough to actually make that jump and and do that.

26:53

So it’s been really just that kind of hindsight is 2020 vision.

Now I can see how I really believe that God has planned all of this for me at the exact and right and perfect time.

And it’s, I’m not a very emotional person when it comes to that, but it’s, it really is wonderful looking back and I’m so thankful that and, and I realise, like you say, it’s not in my hands, but that these things happened as they should have happened for me to also be a more present another, which is really what I want to be.

27:22

Speaker 1

Yeah, that’s beautiful.

Daniella, thanks so much for sharing.

And of course, your podcast is also about being a mother.

It’s called Mini Microphone and Afrikaans Podcast Translated.

It means a mom and a microphone.

27:37

Tell us a bit more about your own podcast.

27:40

Daniëlla’s Podcast: “A Mom and a Microphone”

I became a mother literally at the dawn of lockdown.

My baby was born 25 March 2020.

That same midnight we went into the first hard lockdown, so I went into the hospital.

Four days later came out to another world now cars on the road that that kind of that lockdown where you could not even buy baby clothes and you know there are three chicken and the open toed shoes.

28:04

That crazy time in all of our lives, but that was we never became a mother for the first time.

I know a lot of people say they enjoyed it because they got to have their maternity leaves just them nesting in their homes.

I did not I like having people around me.

I really missed having my friends coming to meet my baby, missed the fact that my mother could not be they for the first few weeks, my mother-in-law, they lived just on the other side of the the mountain year, not mountain of copy rather than Krugersdorp.

28:32

They’re close by, but it was quite an isolating time, so you know you have lots of time on your hands and that time when when their newborn is still actually sleeping in those first few weeks before they stop sleeping altogether.

The complete.

28:47

Speaker 1

Opposite, I had a 2 year old and a five month old in lockdown.

28:52

Speaker 3

I actually said to my.

28:54

Overcoming Isolation During Lockdown

Husband that must be way worse whenever someone felt sorry for us said it is tough and it is isolating, but I can imagine having a a toddler in this time would be more challenging.

I would Google and I started listening to podcasts in that time, not just parenting podcast.

I kind of discovered podcasts before that.

29:09

Many friends told me I have to listen to this and that.

But that was the time.

And even when I went back to work after my maternity leave did the drive to work, I would listen to podcasts.

So the need for information and listening to podcasts, the same happened at the same time.

29:25

And then I think just just, I saw stories everywhere.

Being a journalist, that is kind of just the way that I operate.

I’m sure you are too.

Whenever someone tells you something that’s like this, this could be a great story.

But then I realised a lot of the mother whose stories are not really news stories.

29:42

I work in traditional hard news at that time and the kind of overtime this idea started forming that I really think there is a need for a platform in Afrikaans.

My mother and because I also realised that people connect very emotionally to information in their mother tongue and I was always worked in Afrikaans at the newspapers.

30:01

Then the news bulletin that I used to work at Yannis was Afrikaans and people often saying very positive and emotional messages when you relay information in their mother tongue.

So long answer for your question, but but a bunch of streams came together and I think my background as a journalist led me to that kind of skill to be able to identify who to speak to for a specific topic or who is would be an interesting guest.

30:31

And before I even started, I just had a a long lineup of possible guests and topics.

So that has never been an issue.

Like I know amazing woman, amazing mothers who do amazing things.

People now send me story ideas and it’s easy for me to find experts to speak to.

30:48

Storytelling & Mother Tongue Connection

So then in the beginning of 2024, I launched A mannequin as a weekly podcast where I basically have three things.

It’s either experts who’s also mothers as well, speaking on on matters about things like tantrums or post Natal depression, or I speak sometimes to precon celebrity mothers who share their stories or otherwise to inspirational mums.

31:15

Just mother’s doing amazing, amazing things like Taran Balluff, their butterfly palliative home in Guiseley, Natal, who’s a mom to her own kids.

But she also looks after terminally illl children in their final days before they they have incurable illnesses and she makes sure that they last days on earth or are spent in peace.

31:35

So amazing women like that.

So that’s the kind of stories I tell, and for me, it has been so wonderful and personally fulfilling, and I learned so much in every episode.

So it is the most rewarding thing your podcast is.

31:48

Speaker 1

Truly an inspiration and I think there are so many mothers who find it very, very useful.

So your your storytelling and your passion for sharing and spotting stories, as you said, is definitely going to last forever.

32:07

And your daughters are lucky that they have a mom who has such a neck telling stories.

So online question is, if you could send a message to your younger self, Daniella, the journalist who did not have kids yet, what would you tell her?

32:28

I would tell her.

32:29

Speaker 2

To not fix her identity on being a journalist and that she can tell stories in other formats as well.

32:38

What Daniëlla Would Tell Her Younger Self

So she shouldn’t be too worried about whether she can do this full time as a career and what will happen in the future.

And things will work out as planned.

And that part of storytelling will always be a part of your identity.

And because it was placed there in you and it’s a part of you, it will always find a way of being part of your life where it, whether it be as part of your career or otherwise.

33:01

And also, you’re going to love being a mom.

Ohh, that’s.

33:04

Speaker 1

Lovely.

So this brings us to the final five, which is five questions every single guest on moments will answer.

And the first one is which part of your human experience, or ex as I like to call it, was changed the most by becoming a mother that is such a.

33:25

Speaker 2

Good question.

33:29

How Motherhood Changed Her Priorities

I would say it would.

33:31

Speaker 2

Be what you live for and not in the sense because I’m not I’m not the kind of person who sees the kids are my reason I’m here and they’re the reason I get up everyday.

They are not.

And I, for me, it’s important to not base my whole existence around them, but the way that I, I think about future planning and the choices that I make and just the way that I.

33:59

Speaker 3

Approach life.

34:00

Speaker 2

Choices has changed dramatically, and I know they say that actually becoming a mother physically changes who you are.

And for me, career has become much less of a focus.

And I’m not saying that has to be the way it is for everyone, but for me, I’ve I’ve gotten more of a sense of.

34:18

Speaker 3

Looking.

34:19

Speaker 2

Forward to towards the day that maybe I’m old.

I hope I get all that I can look back on my life and what will be of importance and and it is really narrowed down for me to my family, my husband and my children that that they are my wealth on earth.

34:37

It’s been a long time.

I don’t know if I answered that.

Wonderful, beautiful as as you hoped I worked.

Yes, absolutely they are.

34:45

Speaker 1

Now, wrong answers, Yeah.

So what are you most grateful for on your mom journey?

34:52

Speaker 2

Supportive and loving husband because I said I do love being a mom and I do not all the time, though that has to be said.

35:00

Gratitude for a Loving Partner

It’s not just all wonderful.

They are of course, frustrating times and very tiring times.

This weekend I thought I would not be able to like, you just want to take a nap.

Can someone just take these kids for a while and you take a nap?

And having a husband by my side that is supportive and helpful and he’s such a fun dead.

35:21

And you know, when I’m down, he lifts me up.

And I think vice versa as well.

And I actually learn a lot from him in terms of parenting.

Maybe when I get a bit anxious or stressed, he’s the calm one.

Sometimes the voice of reason when I’m not.

And I think I also balance him in certain regards.

35:36

So for me that really has been the big game changer.

And that’s also actually something now that we can, I think back, I would tell my younger self, find yourself a good husband, you’re going to.

But you do not realise the impact that a good relationship, not a perfect one, because it is hard and it’s hard work and of course these fights and difficult times.

35:58

But the impact that a good relationship, a good husband’s A supportive partner will have on your your journey as a mother is you cannot measure it.

Yeah, that’s so.

36:09

Speaker 1

True.

What would you do differently When you look back now over the last five years?

Are there things that you would have approached in a different way?

We’re stuck sanded.

36:21

Speaker 2

Answer would be no, because you learn from everything.

36:27

Speaker 3

But I do think there’s things.

36:28

Speaker 2

I might have done differently I think.

36:32

Speaker 3

I would realise earlier.

36:37

Speaker 2

On that every phase because especially the small baby phase, I know there’s moms are like different phases.

I really enjoy it quite a bit more when they start being able to speak and voice their concerns.

So for me, when they were very little babies, the days felt very long and I kind of felt stuck.

36:55

They liked their time where it’s, it’s 11 and in the day and 4:00 feels like it is very far off.

Um, and especially with, with the second child, it was easier because then you know how fast it passes.

But the first time, and this also sounds cheesy, but it is true.

37:12

I will never have that back.

I do not plan on having more children.

So I will never have unless something unexpected happens, I will not have a little baby again and I do not want a little baby again.

But there’s also something that you do miss about it.

And I would maybe tell myself in that moment, yes, it is tough.

37:30

The days really you feel long, all those cheesy things that they say.

But to, to in that moment, just be more aware of that this will pass and it will pass very soon.

So acknowledge that it’s hard, but also realise that there are good parts of it that you will never get back.

37:50

Yeah, that’s so.

37:51

Speaker 1

True, I must say the the the tiny baby face was very hard for me too.

But looking back, it felt like a moment in time.

But at when you when you’re there in the trenches, it feels like it’s never, ever going to pass.

Exactly.

38:07

Speaker 2

It’s such a perspective thing.

So I know you said, but I realised if I had to do it again, say I get pregnant unexpectedly, it’s going to be hard again.

It’s not like you’re going to be.

It’s, it is tough.

It just really is tough.

But you don’t have that perspective when you all write these.

38:22

But that is what I would tell myself.

Yeah.

So.

38:25

Speaker 1

Your your girls are still quite young, so the next question could maybe be something for the future.

But when you do have this conversation with them, what would you tell them about parenting?

I would tell them that.

38:39

Future Parenting Talks with Her Daughters

Is if it is what you want, because I’m not one of those people who tells everyone, ohh, you should have children and it’s the greatest thing on earth if it’s something that you want.

And I hope it’s something that they do want.

But if they don’t, it will be fine and I will never pressure them to have children.

I was also blessed that my mother never put any pressure on me to have kids.

38:57

But I will tell them if it’s something that you want, it will be one of the greatest experiences of your life and it will be good for you.

It will change you as a person in in some bad ways as well, but mostly good.

You will have to dig really deep into yourself, look for the most patient, the most scaring, the most open to change and vulnerability and being able to apologise to your partner as well.

39:28

That it will make you a a tougher and more tired but a better person.

And that it it, it really is a wonderful thing to do if that is what you you want in your place enough to have children.

39:43

That’s so beautiful.

39:44

Speaker 1

Thank you.

And then our very last question is what is your North Star when you make parenting decisions so.

39:54

Speaker 2

You know, there’s a lot of talk about parenting styles and gentle parenting and you know, the baby boomers and what they used to do.

40:01

Balancing Firmness & Kindness in Parenting

And I think that kind of flutters things a bit.

But I really like a quote that I once actually, I think it was on Instagram, but someone said firm but kind and it’s so simple.

And I really like that.

And I think that’s a great balance between being a loving parents and giving them all of that emotional support that they need without just having no boundaries, letting them do whatever.

40:24

So I think that’s a that firmness and discipline is also needed.

And I think being strict is important.

And I think that there should be repercussions if they do things wrong.

And I think that you are not only they frame your, they’re framed as well.

But I think that really so whenever I’m have a discipline issue or I wonder about things and my husband isn’t on the same page as me, it’s firm but kind that.

40:48

Discipline with Compassion

Is the best summary I’ve heard in a very long time and it could have saved me so much time reading tons of parenting books.

Thanks for that summary.

Daniella, Thanks so much for joining me.

I had so much fun chatting and I will definitely catch you on a minor microphone.

41:08

Thank you so much.

41:09

Enjoying the Role Reversal: Being Interviewed

Madsen Madge And it’s actually been nice to be on the other side of the the microphone.

Usually I’m the one asking questions, so it’s been a refreshing change to be the one answering the questions.

So thank you so much for this opportunity and for you as well giving this platform for moms and these honest and frank conversations.

41:26

I really think there’s so much need for this and space for this.

So thank you for taking the time and hosting me as well.

Thank you, Danielle, and thanks.

41:35

Importance of Honest Mom Conversations

For the well wishes, we are so often caught up in our own plans or our own ideas of what our lives and our careers should look like.

41:45

Trusting Life’s Unexpected Paths

But trusting the process and going where life takes us might just be the magic we’ve been searching for all along by.

This episode of Moments is brought to you by Babies-R-Us and Toys-R-Us, Your Village.

42:03

Through every messy, magical step of parenting, from first kicks to toddler chaos, we’re here with love, guidance, and all the essentials you need to thrive.

42:14

Thoughts on Baby Sleep Expectations

Because every moment matters.