0:00

Speaker 1

So you know when you go to Kitty’s party and the mom opens the door and she either hasn’t slept for three days or she’s been pregaming with a bottle of wine?

The entire house has been transformed into a winter Wonderland and fake snow is being trampled into every corner of the house.

0:21

The cake puts your wedding cake to shame and you wonder what at this production cost.

Little Elsa, who’s not used to this amount of sugar or people in her space, is in full blown tantrum mode.

Her mom doesn’t even notice, she’s just snapping away, taking pictures of every little detail and capturing all of her hard work.

0:44

Smile honey, this is for Instagram.

You can just see that caption.

The perfect party for perfect little girl.

You can’t get out of there soon enough.

As you make your way to the door, the mom leans in.

1:00

Isn’t Sarah’s party next?

And justice like that?

She handed you the baton.

It’s your time to run, so you do what any loving, reasonable parent would do.

You go home and you start that Pinterest board.

1:16

I’m your host mage and this is Moments.

1:32

Have you ever looked at a picture perfect post on Instagram and thought, am I doing enough?

You are definitely not alone and that’s exactly what we’re discussing today.

Joining me is Vicki Sleet.

Hello, Vicki, and welcome to MOMENT.

1:49

Speaker 2

But it’s so nice to be here.

1:51

Speaker 1

Vicky is a mom.

She’s an ex magazine her.

She’s the business owner of a content agency that started during COVID.

She lives in a perpetual state of struggling to juggle and spend way too much time online.

She started a blog in 2007 and another one 2011 and moved to Instagram as her full time outlet 10 years ago.

2:17

Vicky, you run your personal brand successfully on Instagram.

You have a wonderful, well blended family of four girls, two young adults and two primary schoolers.

How do you find the balance between what you post professionally and personally?

2:32

Speaker 2

Match.

I’m a chronic oversharer.

Like I’ll meet you at a party and within half an hour, you know, like the most inappropriate things.

So I I have to be careful.

And now that my, our third daughter is 10, she’s like, let me look at that first.

2:50

She makes me delete stuff.

I’ve gotta check with my husband often.

He says, great, so you look amazing and I look like a troll.

So I really actually, my family really does help me to curb things a little.

Otherwise, I think we’d be in trouble.

3:05

Speaker 1

Okay, and that’s very interesting because as parents we do find ourselves in this little pressure cooker of what social media has become.

How do you think social media changed the way we experience parenting?

3:19

Speaker 2

Matters.

A great question.

So the way social media supports me in parenting is that I feel a shared experience with a lot of people.

There’s some amazing accounts who I follow, who I can really relate to.

The hilarity, the absolute parenting fails, the ohh my goodness am I ever going to make it to Friday stuff.

3:37

But then there’s also the other side, the hyperbolised, sanitised obsession with perfectionism.

Are you doing enough?

Which I think it can be really dangerous.

3:48

Speaker 1

So what do you think it is about social media that’s constantly making us feel like we’re falling short?

3:54

Speaker 2

I think as parents, as people in a really hectic world, we are almost designed nowadays to feel triggered by not being good enough.

And I think the hooks that people use for you to watch their content are diving straight into that.

4:11

So it’s the five things to 5, five ways to see if your child is unhappy or five things you should be doing for a more organised home or it’s those kind of things that it’s working, you’re watching it.

So we need to build up some resilience around scrolling on by if you know that that is something that’s going to trigger you.

4:33

Speaker 1

Absolutely, Vicky, you’re so right.

And the impact it has on our mental health and our self worth it.

It’s just not worth it in the.

4:42

Speaker 2

End I absolutely agree with you know, I think I’m in a weird position because our two older girls, you know, there was no social media and now I’ve got 2 littles and there’s so much social media.

So I think I’m, I’m lucky that I have some perspective.

4:57

I know that if if I’d had my kids only in this social media age, I think I might have been a little bit more sucked in than I’m it that sounds ironic.

I’m on social media.

I do create content, especially around parenting or around parenting hacks or home hacks and what have you.

5:13

So I think we’re lucky is that we’ve got 2 girls now in their 20s and two littles.

So the girls in their 20s, there was no social media.

We had to do it on our own and we had to find our tribe of people who we trusted and people who we related to and people who were safe as parents, as women, juggle struggling.

5:31

We often wake up and feel less than we feel less.

We feel like we’re not doing a great job with our kids.

We’ve snapped at them.

We’ve snapped at our husband.

Maybe it’s those we’re aware of those things.

The next thing you know, you see a purse that says, how do you know you destroying your child for the future and you like you look at it.

5:50

Then the algorithm is going to take you down that rabbit hole and it’s just going to reiterate.

There’s really quite destructive feeling.

So I think we need to be building more resilience around not going down the rabbit hole about remembering who we are, why we became parents, what we want for our kids.

6:07

And that does mean more time offline.

6:11

Speaker 1

And the comparison trap that social media actually creates where you see, ohh, my word, that mom has it all or they’re going on holiday again, or look what they kids getting their lunch boxes.

6:27

And then you feel less than, less than, less than.

Why do you think parents and especially moms are so prone to comparison?

6:34

Speaker 2

You know, it’s an interesting one and, and, and it’s one that I think about a lot because myself as a, as a young teenager, I never felt like enough.

I felt that everyone was better, thinner, richer, you know what I mean?

And it, it was something that I carried with me into my 20s and I had to work really, really hard therapy to actually try and put a lid on that stuff and to focus more inwards as to what I do have.

7:03

And I think many of us carry those feelings of ohh, my goodness, you know, she’s doing that.

Like you said, they’re so and so is going on holiday.

Her lunch box is so much better than mine.

And social media is not allowing us to put a lid on it.

It’s almost just blowing open this can of worms and it’s a runaway train that we don’t haven’t built up reserves to bring back again.

7:26

And I think we owe it to ourselves to work harder to bring it back.

I love looking at those crazy lunch box people whose children have like.

7:37

Speaker 1

And it’s like on theme it.

7:39

Speaker 2

Totally.

7:41

Speaker 1

If it’s.

7:42

Speaker 2

Like, but it’s veristic.

I mean, my husband teases me.

He’s always like, you’re doing all these posts on organising.

Do they know the truth?

Do they know?

Which is why recently I’ve actually been doing a campaign, actually showing the chaos because it’s like everybody my draws to Senator Keith and then I want to show people that it’s possible.

8:02

Before it would have been like, here’s my hyper sensitised perfection.

But it’s fake and it’s dangerous and it’s not fair to each other.

8:10

Speaker 1

I totally agree because especially as working moms who don’t have the time, who’s away from home like 8 to 10 hours if you count in the commute, it’s almost impossible to unrealistic pain that totally.

8:26

Speaker 2

It’s totally unrealistic.

We need to be more real.

We need to, yeah, we need to support each other, be more real.

And ultimately, if you’re following those channels that are making you feel less than, that’s a mean goal, kind of a situation, like a virtual mean goal thing.

8:43

And yeah, see for what it is, I find it very soothing to look through those channels of perfect things.

Know that I aspire to it.

8:55

Speaker 1

Yeah.

8:56

Speaker 2

But.

8:57

Speaker 1

But it’s not real.

8:58

Speaker 2

It’s yeah.

9:00

Speaker 1

What role do you think influence and brands play in these?

9:04

Speaker 2

Expectations I love this question I love this question because I’ve worked on both sides of the of the field as in briefing influences on the kind of content that we would love as in and in creating 7 and to my point earlier when I said I do create content around, for example, organising, but now I’m going to show what it’s what the reality is as well.

9:26

I’m not gonna say ohh, this is what I did and I and this is how I live.

And I think, and it’s amazing.

Studies have come out recently about the fact that people want authenticity.

Hyper curation is it’s not going out the window, but more and more people are wanting to connect on a really, really real level.

9:48

And I think there is a move for brands to take that on board.

And I love it and I’m here for it.

And you’re long may that last a long made grow because for our kids, we our kids, we want when when our kids do get online, we want them to be able to differentiate between what’s real and what’s not.

10:05

Speaker 1

Absolutely.

I love what you’re saying and I really hope that that trend is like.

10:11

Speaker 2

Yeah, I mean with Charlie.

So she’s my 10 year old, as you know, Charlie loves looking over my shoulder.

I I don’t want her to be on screens, but I mean, sometimes she and I do go down the rabbit altogether and I often have to say to her, you know, it’s not real.

10:26

Like so, so then I’m like, okay, so it’s a chance for a conversation to say, look at this, look how they live.

Okay, look at it.

She’s like your mum, like I wish we could be more animal like.

I promise you, it’s not real.

10:36

Speaker 1

Bad So my 5 year old will be like why is our house smaller than one of her friends?

And I’m like where are you getting this?

Which kind of brings me to my next question.

Like beyond social media, what other pressures are they on parents today that make us feel like we are not living up to the expectations?

10:57

Speaker 2

I love this question because my kids are at a school where there is a huge focus on children loving chick peas and I’m kind of allergic to that.

Like I feel quite strongly about this, this like the nutritional component of mom comparisons or there’s actually setting up in the back of my neck because I said that I feel like it’s a hyper privileged thing.

11:25

So I think there’s some nutrition shaming happening.

You know, there’s this obsession around ohh, your kids having gluten.

Are they having this sugar?

My kids on a holiday they when I say how was your holiday?

That’s the best part was that we had a Fanta fabulous.

Like I find yeah, my kids are not going to want to eat chick peas.

11:43

Yeah, so I find like that I’m just allergic to it.

I can’t be bear.

I can’t.

I can’t be pretending my kids want.

11:50

Speaker 1

That and sometimes when I pack lunch boxes and I think like ohh my gosh, this teacher is gonna judge me for adding like a Maori biscuit.

11:58

Speaker 2

Totally.

11:58

Speaker 1

Yeah.

And this just that’s.

12:01

Speaker 2

Not right.

Yeah.

I really, I think it’s so bad.

I mean, it needs so much more balance that we need to give each other more space to be who we are with less judgement.

And it’s something I feel quite strongly about.

I also like the nutrition thing, really pushes my buttons because for me it is a lot about hyper privileged privileged Ness I should say and you’re just allergic to it.

12:23

Speaker 1

So here’s a question that I think about all the time.

Do parents today have it harder than previous generations?

12:33

Speaker 2

I mean, I know my mum like looks at me because you so busy and my parents were busy.

My mum worked 12 hour night shifts.

We had one car.

Like they were constantly trying to figure out ways to get us to and from school.

I think where we’re different is that they have the tools they had.

12:50

So my so my parents, for example, I’m older than you.

My my mum is turning 88 this year.

So she she’s she was born in the war.

They came out massive austerity.

They would literally try to survive.

Yeah.

They didn’t have many tools.

13:05

Their parents had been Victorian, so there was number inward looking at how happy your child was.

They did the best they could.

Yeah, I think one of the issues is not a word like the scourge of our generation is that we’re such naval gazers.

13:22

Like Vanessa Raffaelli, who you and I used to work with, had such a great term for the way her parents parents had called benign neglect.

Let them, let them fall over.

And when there’s blood come to you, like we not, I just feel like we’re so hyper obsessed with things that we actually just also need to let go a little bit.

13:42

Speaker 1

Yeah, I definitely agree because I feel like that pressure of always being with each other and I kind of go into helicopter parenting, although I don’t want to because I don’t agree with the way they’re playing.

13:57

Speaker 2

Yeah.

No, no.

13:57

Speaker 1

I mean, what’s that tell parents didn’t care how we play that doesn’t even know where we.

14:01

Speaker 2

Were exactly my husband, he’s always just leave them really couldn’t get hurt.

He’s like yeah, that’s gonna happen.

Yeah.

So yeah, I think we are, we really are trying to control a lot and it’s to our detriment and to their detriment to be perfectly honest.

14:18

Speaker 1

Definitely, because they don’t have that freedom or independence.

14:21

Speaker 2

Totally.

They need to eat the dirt.

Let them eat the dirt.

Yeah.

14:24

Speaker 1

I agree.

So having said all of this, the important part of our conversation today is finding balance and reframing perfection.

How can we break free from this comparison cycle that we find ourselves?

14:40

Speaker 2

We need to be real.

I don’t you agree.

I mean, it’s like, why are we trying to say like, you know, she’s perfect and my life is perfect.

Why would we are?

We are a tapestry of our lives, our families, our tapestry, our experiences.

14:56

And why do we want to be the same?

We don’t wanna be Stepford wives.

We don’t wanna be wisteria laners like it’s own who we are.

Be authentic, say when we need help, say when we’re not coping.

I think that’s there’s a lot of that that we’re not you’re sure we’ll share with.

15:13

You know, our are really our closest.

But maybe if you actually shared with somebody who you waiting outside the classroom for their kid, maybe you their lifeline and they needed to hear that because they’re living in a place where they’re thinking, ohh, God, everybody.

You know what?

If only anybody, everybody knew.

15:29

I just think we need to be more real about it.

I just, yeah, I like.

15:32

Speaker 1

Sharing your struggles as well as your trying.

15:34

Speaker 2

Absolutely.

But there’s a balance.

Yeah, because I I have to say that I find it really disconcerting when I see posts about people like crying.

Ohh, it’s just like a little bit much.

I mean, that’s terrible that I’m saying that people should be editing themselves.

15:52

But yeah, I suppose let’s get vulnerable with each other.

Let’s be real.

Let’s stop trying to pretend that they’re that we’re this perfect persona, because we’re not.

16:03

Speaker 1

We think there is a magic in vulnerability.

Brené Brown taught us one thing.

That thing I’ll take from her.

16:11

Speaker 2

So let’s bring in our favourite podcast and Mel Robbins about just letting them if people want to be dressing.

I mean, if you could see what my children look like from the age of 18 months when Charlie decided I wasn’t dressing her anymore, let them.

16:27

Like yes, some mummies are going to be able to get their child into a beautiful dress and shiny shoes.

16:33

Speaker 1

I definitely can’t do.

16:34

Speaker 2

That no and okay, but I’m not going to be Grant.

I took my Where did I take over?

The other day.

She was barefoot.

I mean, there’s a part of you that was dying that we went into a restaurant and then I was like, OK.

16:49

Speaker 1

Yeah, Now getting getting Sarah in a dress, even for like a formal thing or like going out or something, it’s impossible.

16:58

Speaker 2

Totally mine actually, year when I say put on something smart, they’re like, but this is no like, you don’t get it.

But yeah, who who am I trying to impress?

That’s the point.

Who am I trying to maintain a healthy, respectful bond with my child?

17:13

Or am I trying to show everybody look how you know?

17:17

Speaker 1

That’s so true, Vicky, and I really needed to hear today because I am fighting that fight together into cute dresses.

17:24

Speaker 2

And no, no, it’s I mean, if I’m not winning Avis wardrobe, it’s so beautiful.

We’ve got the most beautiful hand me downs of beautiful clothes from New York.

Not interested.

And I can see my mom if we go somewhere in Ava’s barefoot.

She’s like, because I mean my.

17:41

Speaker 1

Parents.

I do, yeah.

My mom’s voice in my head a lot when it comes to those things like the, there’s the, the part of Maine that wants to impress, but there’s also the part of Maine that wants to do it proper, you know, like that you have to be proper.

17:59

And it’s like finding a balance between that and like you said, maintaining an actual relationship with the child.

18:07

Speaker 2

Completely.

I mean, if I think my poor parents manage.

I used to take my clothes off in church on a Sunday.

That’s just like my poor parents.

I know they had to go through a lot with me because they I was just climbing the walls and they actually did pick a lot of their battles.

18:26

OK, and maybe that is the thing as well.

We’re going totally off peace, but I am enjoying the.

18:30

Speaker 1

Conversation.

So am I, So Vicky, what practical steps can parents take to set healthier boundaries when it comes to social media?

18:40

Speaker 2

Question because you know how badly I need it.

Okay, mate, I’m terrible.

I’m terrible.

I have a careless over here from holding my phone from scrolling.

I’m really bad and I can see how my 10 year old is.

She’s wanting she’s wanting to look at when I’m scrolling.

18:56

We’ve got a very similar aesthetic.

She she’s I’ve gotta stop it.

I I literally have got to So now my husband, I speak about it all the time, how we need to leave our bed and our phones out of the bedroom.

We did it once last week.

So I really we’ve gotta do it by modelling.

19:14

We have got to your and and again when and if they start with screens.

We’ve actually said our kids 16 is when when they will get a smartphone.

Let’s see if we manage to stick to it.

We signed one of those packets.

I don’t know if you’ve seen the packs that are going around.

19:29

Speaker 1

I need to get one like that because my childhood somewhere.

Wait till you’re 8 and he’s 8 in June and I don’t see it.

19:38

Speaker 2

Happening so there’s there’s an amazing pack that you can sign like it’s for a smartphone be childhood.

But the problem is I’m not exactly modelling because I’m obsessed with my smartphone.

So anyway, back to the point, is that modelling definitely setting parameters and then really working very hard before they hit the smartphone edge to explain between reality and what’s not real and to monitor, monitor, monitor.

20:05

Speaker 1

So when we talk about setting an example and healthy boundaries when it comes to social media, how can we teach our kids what’s the difference and carefully curated content?

I love this question.

20:16

Speaker 2

Because it really does go more than limiting screen time.

I think it’s up to our kid, up to us to really work a little bit harder about understanding what’s real and what’s not.

Understanding that someone’s monetised their personal brand, they’re making money off it and if it’s not the healthiest content, you’re feeding that beast, Maybe looking for healthier content to consume and understanding that often you’re watching and actress in a play, you’re part of the audience and it’s how much you would like to participate.

20:50

Participate and amplify their messaging in your own life.

I think we need to almost adult up a little bit in these scenarios and puts some checks and balances in personally rather than imprinting this perfectionism that we’re seeing.

21:06

I, I really think, you know, we’re expecting this of our children, so why are we stopping expecting it of ourselves?

That’s so.

21:13

Speaker 1

Good.

Ohh, my word.

If someone’s listening today and they feel like they’re falling short, what is your message to her?

If someone.

21:23

Speaker 2

Feels that they’re falling short are tell her to take themselves off social media for a day to take themselves into nature and to really have a good look at what their week has looked like at the people that have touched at the people they have engaged with at the people they have loved the work that they have done the the projects that they’re busy with and to remind themselves there’s a lot more to them than what’s happening behind the screen.

21:48

And then when they’re next do decide to go online is to really actively follow people who feed you.

I have, I’ve made a point.

I unfollow people whose messaging is negative or has got some less than stuff in it.

And I’m really quite like, that’s one of the things I’ve done this year.

22:04

I think I’ve followed, I’ve unfollowed over 1000 people this year.

That’s because in the early days of Instagram, I just followed everything.

And I’m really wanting to make a concerted effort to just remove myself from the negativity and to really work on your internal world.

22:19

Because if we’re not working our internal world and constantly on the external, we know it’s going to win.

22:24

Speaker 1

Absolutely, and for me it’s when a child runs into my arms or whispers I love you mommy or when they in distress and all they want is you.

That kind of is what sets the standard for my success as a mother, not someone else’s.

22:43

Curated content. 100% I.

22:45

Speaker 2

Mean, I think for myself, my major challenge and it’s is to be present, to be present, to be present because I struggle with it.

I it’s, it’s a lot.

You’re holding your own emotional stuff.

You’re holding your kids.

Your husband comes up and he wants to chat.

23:02

Speaker 1

It’s a lot.

It’s a lot to be present.

23:04

Speaker 2

And to really activate that being presentness, if that’s the way to say it.

And then I actually, but interestingly, I feel my anxiety lower.

Yeah.

So if I’m like, right, let’s play a game of rummy curb.

I can just fill my anxiety dissipating.

23:21

So I think we need to be remembering that so much more.

23:25

Speaker 1

I couldn’t agree more.

I also feel like when I’m at the most peace, it’s when I sit and watch my child play or when we sit and we are engaged in the same thing.

I’m not like cooking while they’re doing something or having a conversation about something while we’re driving or, you know, when we all just in the same space doing the same thing.

23:51

Yeah, I mean, there’s there’s.

23:52

Speaker 2

So many studies around that, that if you sit down on the floor, our children are young enough still for us to be doing that.

But if you sit down with them and engage in something that’s only, like you said, only about that activity, that level of connection and bonding is so priceless.

24:09

It really is so this.

24:11

Speaker 1

Conversation is far from over.

I mean, it actually unfolds loving through it, but I really are I’m.

24:17

Speaker 2

So grateful.

24:18

Speaker 1

That you came to chat to me about it today.

Magical, you know.

24:21

Speaker 2

How much I love you and I, you know, how excited I am for this whole podcast journey for you.

Thank you, Vicky.

24:27

Speaker 1

And that brings us to the final five.

24:31

Speaker 2

Vicky.

24:32

Speaker 1

Yep, the.

24:33

Speaker 2

Final.

24:34

Speaker 1

5 on the last five questions, and it’s not about the theme, not these questions.

I will be asking every guest on my podcast the same 5 questions and it’s a little bit more personal.

So which part of your human experience, or as I like to call it, your ex, has been changed the most by being a mom, you know?

24:55

Speaker 2

The biggest thing for me was the chance to be gentle with my mum.

So I was a revolting teenager and quite an angry 20 something and quite a I just wasn’t very nice.

25:11

It was a little bit of a fractured relationship and um, are just yeah, having children made me realise, wow, OK, she did the fish.

She could Yeah, and it’s it’s softened me.

It softened me in a huge way and it’s made our relationship amazing.

25:28

And I’m so actually for quite tearful list saying that I’m so grateful for it.

That’s amazing.

25:33

Speaker 1

Thingy.

Thanks for sharing that.

So, looking back at your parenthood journey, what would you do differently?

I brought it up.

25:43

Speaker 2

Earlier what I what I’d do differently in my parenting journey is be more present.

So for the 1st 1000 days of Eva’s life, I was really illl you.

You remember when we worked together and I, I carry a lot of guilt.

25:58

I mean, I’m glad I’m alive and I’m here.

Yeah.

But I carry a lot of guilt around her.

It was a very fractured first thousand days.

And I’m actually quite actively trying to almost in some ways re baby her in a lot of ways.

26:14

Like she loves to come and lay on my chest if she’s feeling overwhelmed.

And I’ll often just rock her and whatever.

And I think it’s I know it’s good for her, but it’s also good for me.

Like it’s almost like it’s.

26:25

Speaker 1

Healing Therapy.

26:26

Speaker 2

Ohh, I really find it quite healing.

So yeah, it’s something I can’t change.

Yeah.

But yeah, listen it.

26:34

Speaker 1

Was covered when my kids were babies, so there’s a ton of things I never saw coming and the way my mental health was affected in that period.

So when I think of the baby face, especially for Sarah, she was a few months old when Hard Luck Dance started.

26:53

There were so many things that I thought would happen that never did.

So I think having Grace with ourselves, yeah, that’s a.

27:00

Speaker 2

Lovely point exactly that we need to give our children grace, ourselves grace, absolutely.

And we need to be teaching our kids that as well, to give each other and themselves and other people grace, because everybody is a hugely complex human who is juggling enormous complexities themselves.

27:21

Absolutely, yeah.

27:22

Speaker 1

What are you most grateful for in your in Being a mom?

27:27

Speaker 2

Okay, the enormous love.

So I was on the fence, you know, we got married when I was 35 and I knew I wanted kids.

And then I was like, ohh, my, I’m too scared.

And so for five years I literally, I mean, I was a step mum and that was going well.

27:42

But obviously we would have the goals for 5050.

And then when it came to the, when we decided, it happened incredibly quickly when I was 14 for, for my 10 year old.

And nothing prepared me for that love.

Nothing, nothing.

27:59

And I did have personally, I had a personal anxiety.

I was climbing the walls.

But still that intensity was life changing.

There’s that enormous love when a baby’s born, it’s radical.

And then I remember on the day that Eva was born, we would, we would, I was going to say we were driving into the theatre.

28:19

I was being wheeled into the theater.

And I kept on saying to my husband, I don’t know how to feel.

What am I feeling?

I don’t like, I was.

It was like an out of body experience.

And when people say your heart double s, I know that you will relate.

Yeah.

It really, really does.

28:34

Yeah.

It’s radical.

Yeah.

I.

28:36

Speaker 1

Remember feeling anxious when I was pregnant the second time.

Like I will always have a favorite because I love this first one so much.

I will I ever love the second one the same way.

And it’s like you have another heart.

Like you have two hearts and they are equally full.

28:54

I do know that you.

28:54

Speaker 2

Were worried that you weren’t, that you weren’t love your dog.

I think you want to gonna love the children as much as your dog.

That’s so funny.

29:03

Speaker 1

Because now it’s like, would anyone see the dog?

29:09

Speaker 2

Do we still have a?

29:10

Speaker 1

Dog I’m being called out on our little St.

WhatsApp group so much cause when he’s running around in the street doesn’t even like.

29:18

Speaker 2

It.

29:18

Speaker 1

Not even banana.

29:19

Speaker 2

Neglect.

It’s neglect, absolutely.

29:22

Speaker 1

And I mean, I was obsessed with him.

I brought him to work.

29:25

Speaker 2

And the other thing I’m most grateful for in my mum’s journey?

Ohh my goodness, I’m not Mother Teresa.

But in learning to give myself grace, in learning to give friends grace, I hope that somehow, somehow I’m teaching my children that they owe themselves grace.

29:49

And others.

Like, I sound like such a Mother Teresa.

That’s beautiful.

But I really like I work hard and like everyday and say we’ll sit so mean today I’m like, no, but maybe and it’s actually not who my personality.

30:05

Do you know what I mean?

I have to work hard at it and I really do hope somehow it’s penetrated Who we’ll see.

Yeah, yeah.

30:11

Speaker 1

Sure it will.

We will see.

30:13

Speaker 2

So.

30:13

Speaker 1

The next question is an interesting one because I don’t know if I’m not doing it because my kids are still small, but what are you telling your kids about parenting?

Okay, I love this one.

30:23

Speaker 2

Actually.

So number one, I tell them that granting them as my absolute joy and that I prayed for them and that they like I, I can’t believe how lucky I am, but I’m real.

I tell them that it’s hard and I tell them that I need to recalibrate and that sometimes I’ll go away for on my own for a night or no, you’re not coming with me to the shops right now.

30:45

The shops feel like a holiday.

Yes, absolutely.

And yeah, I mean, I’m honest.

And I’m also honest that I’m learning and then I’m gonna mess up black.

Yeah.

And that’s I’m not gonna get a dry.

I apologise.

30:59

Speaker 1

To my kids sometimes and I don’t remember being apologised to one never growing up.

No, I don’t wanna have unfair memories, but I think our generation, the kids, are much more included in how we feel 100.

31:15

Speaker 2

Percent I mean I love that because I I mean he always teases me that’s you don’t have to say sorry, do you I’m like ohh really hard it really is it’s.

31:27

Speaker 1

Really hard but.

31:29

Speaker 2

I don’t mind saying sorry to them, yeah.

Especially if I’ve lost it, yeah.

31:34

Speaker 1

Not probably normalising apologising totally.

31:38

Speaker 2

For your next generation.

And if we find it hard to say sorry because we weren’t said sorry to, it’s not our fault, you see?

Yeah.

What is your?

31:47

Speaker 1

North Star when it comes to making parenting decisions.

I love this question so.

31:53

Speaker 2

Much I’m a child of author, quite authoritarian parents and I there’s quite an authoritarian part of me that I’ve got to like chill out on.

So I try to think about the short term gains and the long term values.

32:08

And by that I mean like saying yes to the small stuff.

You don’t want to wear your shoes to the restaurant.

You look like a total schooly.

Okay, yeah.

32:16

Speaker 1

It’s not.

32:16

Speaker 2

Easy, but it’s it’s and it’s it is a pick your battles, but it’s also like it’s important to her in that moment.

OK, but like in terms of the long term values things like I do want them to work for stuff.

It’s I’m not like a very rarely will just go to the toy toy store for my kids.

32:34

Like they’ve got to have worked towards something.

It goes on the very very, very, very long birthday list.

They are so kind of I try and balance between long term value of that will hopefully stick with them and yeah, a short term little dopamine head.

32:53

Don’t we always?

Don’t we all want those?

Yeah, we.

32:55

Speaker 1

Do yeah, so.

32:57

Speaker 2

Yeah, I’ll give them sweets when I pick them up from school.

I’m not.

We’re not gonna be having chick peas.

Not snack, no.

33:04

Speaker 1

I can tell you one thing.

And we never have chick peas as snacks.

33:09

Speaker 2

But it’s about that, I’m happy to say no, you had sweets earlier, so no, you know, it’s that kind of funding.

33:18

Speaker 1

Balance.

Absolutely.

33:21

Speaker 2

Actually, he’s gonna love this listening to my husband more on stuff because his perspective, it can’t all be my perspective.

And yeah, and relying on him to go or they’ll be okay.

33:38

Like just let them go on this up.

They’ll be absolutely fine.

So yeah, yeah, we can’t alter alone.

We don’t have to.

No, we really.

33:47

Speaker 1

Don’t.

And that’s what Moments is all about.

Vicky, thanks so much for joining me.

I had so much fun chatting to you and all the best and to you.

33:57

Speaker 2

Thank you.

What a wonderful.

33:58

Speaker 1

Podcast.

33:59

Speaker 2

Thank you, Matt.

Thank you.

34:00

Speaker 1

So the next time you scroll on Instagram and you see this picture perfect parenting post, just keep it real.

Don’t feel that you’re falling short or that you’re not good enough, because mom, you really, really are.

34:15

We’re all doing what we can with what we have, and what you see on social media is not always real.

Bye.

This episode of Moments is brought to you by Babies-R-Us and Toys-R-Us Your village.

34:32

Through every messy, magical step of parenting, from first kicks to toddler chaos, we’re here with love, guidance, and all the essentials you need to thrive.

Because every moment matters.