Flexible Hours Aren’t Enough: The Real Secret to Mom-Friendly Workplaces

For years, the phrase “mom-friendly workplace” has been reduced to a few predictable perks: flexible hours, remote work and maternity leave policies.
In a recent MOMents podcast episode, I spoke to Charlotte Speak, founder of Power of the Parent, and she revealed that the real secret to a mom-friendly workplace isn’t a policy.
It’s culture.
And culture is much harder to fake.
Flexibility Isn’t the Real Problem
Most companies today say they support parents.
They have flexible work policies. They talk about work-life balance. They might even have glossy HR pages promising support.
But the lived experience often tells a different story. Charlotte calls this the “line manager lottery.”
On paper, the company may be progressive. In reality, everything depends on the person you report to.
Some managers understand that life with children is unpredictable. Others still operate as if employees should work like they don’t have families and parent like they don’t have jobs.
Sound familiar?
This is where many workplaces fail, not because they lack policies, but because those policies don’t translate into everyday empathy.
The Hidden Value Parents Bring to Work
There’s another myth Charlotte challenges: the idea that parents somehow become less committed employees.
In reality, the opposite is often true. Becoming a parent forces people to develop an entirely new set of skills that rarely appear on a CV.
Think about it:
Running a household involves logistics, budgeting, scheduling, negotiation, conflict resolution, emotional intelligence and relentless problem-solving.
Parents manage school schedules, sports practices, childcare logistics, insurance paperwork, medical appointments and family dynamics, all while keeping a career afloat.
That’s not distraction. That’s leadership training.
Many parents also develop something even more powerful: perspective.
Children force you to question assumptions, adapt constantly and view the world through fresh eyes. Those qualities translate directly into innovation, empathy and better decision-making at work.
Yet too often, workplaces overlook this. Instead of seeing parenting as an asset, it’s treated like an inconvenience.
The Simple Shift That Changes Everything
So what actually makes a workplace parent-friendly?
According to Charlotte, one surprisingly simple shift has an enormous impact:
Encouraging people to share their stories.
Not in a forced, corporate “team-building” way, but through genuine conversations about what life actually looks like outside the office.
When colleagues understand each other’s realities, something powerful happens.
Compassion replaces judgment. Ans suddenly, the parent who leaves early for school pickup isn’t seen as less committed. The colleague caring for aging parents isn’t seen as unreliable. They’re simply human.
Many companies achieve this by creating parent or caregiver networks, internal groups where employees can connect, share experiences and support one another.
It costs almost nothing to implement, but it can completely transform how teams understand each other.
The Real Business Case for Supporting Parents
Even for companies that view this purely from a financial perspective, the argument is compelling.
Replacing experienced employees is expensive.
Recruitment, onboarding, training and lost productivity all add up. Retaining skilled parents, people who already understand the business, makes far more sense than constantly starting over.
But retention only happens when people feel safe enough to stay.
Psychological safety matters.
If employees feel like they are easily replaceable or that family responsibilities will count against them, they don’t take risks, speak up or innovate. They simply survive..
What Working Moms Can Do Right Now
Of course, not every company is going to transform overnight.
Many working moms feel stuck in cultures they can’t control.
Charlotte’s advice in those situations is surprisingly empowering: start by reconnecting with your own strengths.
Ask yourself:
What energises me?
What do people naturally come to me for?
Where do I add the most value?
Understanding this makes it far easier to advocate for yourself, whether that means adjusting responsibilities, collaborating differently with colleagues or reshaping how you approach certain parts of your role.
Advocacy doesn’t always begin with confrontation. Sometimes it starts with clarity.
The Future of Work Needs Parents
The reality is that workplaces are built around outdated assumptions about what an employee looks like. That world no longer exists.
Parents aren’t asking for special treatment. They’re asking for workplaces that recognise the reality of modern life.
And when companies get this right, the benefits extend far beyond parents.
They create workplaces where everyone can thrive.
Creating Parent-Friendly Workspaces
Welcome to Moments, This is the podcast we’re working moms get honest conversations, expert advice, and a community that’s yet to help you thrive, not just at work, but at home too.
My conversation with Charlotte is for anyone interested in cultivating more empathetic workspaces for everyone, including parents.
0:25
Inside goes beyond what your company or HR manager can do for you.
But how are you and communicate what you want without looking for other opportunities?
There are practical advice for any kind of team in this episode and strategies that can be implemented this week without spending any budget.
1:00
Joining me today is Charlotte Speak.
She’s the founder of Power of the Parent.
Charlotte and her team helps companies create more parent friendly workspaces.
I’m so excited about this episode because it feels like I’m talking to the fairy godmother for working moms.
1:19
Welcome, Charlotte.
1:22
Speaker 2
Thank you for having me.
That is not a title that has been bestowed on me before, but I think I might I start using that.
1:29
Speaker 1
I think it’s very accurate.
Thanks.
So, Charlotte, let’s start right at the beginning.
Tell me, what does apparent friendly workspace look?
1:39
Speaker 2
Like, so I think we could, I could be here like all day talking about what that might be made-up of.
So I think a few of my, a few of my favourites are more about the cultural side of things as opposed to really practical stuff.
1:55
I I will make some practical suggestions too, but I think one thing that I notice the really parent friendly workplaces don’t make things a parent only issue.
So for example, things like flexible working or the need to kind of work in in a way that allows for U2 show up in the workplace and not necessarily bring your whole self to work because I think there’s divided opinion on that.
2:24
But being able to be celebrated for the different strengths and skills that you bring, regardless of your family setup.
I think organisations where development isn’t A1 size fits all is really important.
And those that sort of remain curious about what does what, what do different people bring to the team.
2:47
So rather than it always being about upwards progression that we make sure that we’re we’re talking about development in a much broader scope.
I also think there’s a lot around on the practical side of things.
Parental leave transitions is not the only way or the only time you should support parents.
3:07
So I think organisations that don’t assume people can just pick up from where they left off when they have started any form of parental leave.
So using things like reinduction plans, encouraging people to stay in touch in a way that is kind of right for them.
3:26
So, um, I think the laws are different in different countries.
So I’m, I’m conscious of not projecting the way that we, we do it in the UK, but things like keep in touch days are really important.
If you’re able to offer them or whatever the whatever the country equivalent is, they are great ways of of people staying in contact.
3:48
But it’s not just about coming in and seeing people.
It is about driving engagement.
It’s about seeing this not as a, a moment in time when somebody becomes less than because they have parenting or caring responsibilities, but instead they’re kind of adding to who they are.
4:03
So I think that there is a, that we have a, a cliche that we, I think we use worldwide to be fair, but I use it a lot in the UK and that is that we are expected to parent like we don’t work and we’re expected to work like we don’t parent.
And I think if we, if employers could remember that, like we also have to remember that as parents, you know, it isn’t employers must do everything, but they can go such a long way to helping people advocate for themselves.
4:31
We’re talking about environments where we borrow people from their day-to-day lives in the workplace and we want to return them in one piece because people do they, they want to, they do want a thriving career, but they also don’t want that at the expense of never seeing their children or or even even before we even get to the kids, our own wellbeing.
4:52
Because it like, it’s a lot, isn’t it?
When you’re juggling all those different areas of your life.
So I think the short answer for me about what, what can workplaces do is blend culture, a cultural perspective with practicalities.
And when you’re looking at those cultural sides of things, I would make it look at your organisational narrative.
5:12
Is it culturally unacceptable to, to not support parents and, and not just parents, but anybody, like, of course, you wanna meet people in their reality, whatever they may need in that moment in time.
It doesn’t mean you can always do everything.
And that’s something that I give as a bit of a health warning to my clients that just because you’re saying like, talk to us, what is it that we can do to help?
5:33
What can we do to support?
5:35
The Value of Parents in the Workplace
That doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to be able to wave a magic wand and create everything that every request that’s ever been given.
But if people aren’t even asking you, how do you ever know?
So yeah, I would I I would be blending cultural with practical.
5:51
Speaker 1
Charlotte, tell me, what are the benefits of employing parents?
What do parents bring to the team?
5:58
Speaker 2
Ohh, so much.
And I think, you know, being a parent in the workplace is an intersectional conversation.
So it’s never just like we never wanna treat parents as this monolith that, you know, just because you’ve got children, however they may have come into your family that you you are a you are this or you are that.
6:16
But I think what I have learned over since Sir, my, my eldest daughter is 11 and since becoming a parent in the workplace myself, what I have learned is that you don’t stop developing.
So that that hunger and that thirst for wanting to make sure your kids are fed, watered, dressed, that you’re able to give them some experiences in life that you want to try and be a role model.
6:42
I suppose that it isn’t.
You don’t kind of suddenly stop wanting to to grow as a person.
And I think development comes in so many different shapes and forms.
I work with loads of loads of individuals who the strengths and skills that get awoken in them through being a parent that like it’s, it’s just stuff that you wouldn’t have anticipated.
7:05
So and I have just been supporting somebody who’s returning after quite a a chunky career break.
So they’ve been away from the workplace for about two years because of various situations now for that two years that that mum has been the, the ohh, you know, completely running that household Now to her she’s like, well, does that mean anything in the workplace?
7:30
If I talk about how I have been the one that’s always been renewing the insurance policies.
So the depth of research that I do is second to none.
Or the coordination of clubs and sports.
And they, they have a little bit of external childcare, a third party childcare, Well, um, and everything that they need for that.
7:50
And then I think their eldest started school in, in September.
So that was like another whole different ball game of what do we just assume we do because we’re parents and what is actually a strength and a skill that you can talk about.
8:07
And I think having that realisation that a lot of what we do are skills that we can bring into the workplace, it can sometimes feel really trite.
And I think some people do struggle with it.
Ohh.
And they’re kind of the branding of being a parent is a superpower because of what that could mean if, you know, if you’re not a parent for whatever reason, or if you are, are we saying that until you’re a parent, you don’t have any of these strengths and skills?
8:33
And I need to be like abundantly clear that’s not the case.
But we have to remember that parents are so often on the back foot that we need to take what we’ve got and we need to be able to push forward with what where we do learn.
So it’s not about diminishing anybody else’s development experience, but it is about celebrating what parent, being a parent can can bring.
8:53
So all the cliches of things like being mega organised, although I have to be honest, I probably didn’t.
I’m not sure that that came from being a parent.
I think my life is slightly more chaotic now, but being able to to empathise with people in a different way, being able to see the world through a fresh pair of eyes because my goodness do my kids help me do that.
9:17
Being able to question things with curiosity, with essentially wanting to have a career where I can support my my family’s lifestyle.
They that that determination that will power like it’s all there.
And like I say, it is no one-size-fits-all, but there are so many the strengths that are awoken in people that I think having that conversation as an employer might feel a bit like, really, is that what we should be asking?
9:46
Employer Attitudes Towards Change
But absolutely, 100% is there is there’s, I have never seen a downside to asking that question.
Yeah.
9:54
Speaker 1
I, I also feel like there’s like this part of me that I never would have encountered if I wasn’t a parent.
Like I just came to my full potential.
I sometimes feel like there’s nothing I can’t do because I’ve been through what I’ve been through with my kids.
10:12
So in your experience, our companies willing to change or is it easier for them to exploit mom guilt and loyalty knowing that moms will overperform even if they’re on the brink of burnout?
10:27
Or our companies very keen to make these spaces more friendly for parents.
10:36
Speaker 2
I think lots of employers understand that one, is the right things to, to do, but two, that there is a, a, a strategic and commercial advantage to having parents or retaining parents.
And the the average cost to recruit in the UK is 30,000 lbs and that’s, that is a huge sum of money.
10:59
If you layer that over, you might have organisations who at anyone time have got between 10 and 20% of their workforce on parental leave, maternity or adoption in particular.
So I think from a a very kind of blunt bottom line, where’s your P&L type conversation people do and organisations do generally understand that that is something that they want to go after.
11:27
I think there are individuals within organisations, line managers who I call it the line manager lottery.
So that that you kind of feel like you are almost playing this game of am I, am I gonna win or am I gonna lose here?
11:43
Because individuals, I think make more of a difference.
Because if I think about a lot of the organisations either that I’ve worked with or that I know of over the last almost eight years, the headlines of a lot of these businesses are fantastic and they say all the right things and they have amazing policies in place and yeah, make all the right noises.
12:07
The reality is inconsistent internally though, because you’ve got some line managers who don’t get it, don’t want to get it.
They give a job to a busy person type situation and that at the end of that sentence is usually give it to a busy mum.
12:22
And I think that is, that is a challenge because it’s individuals as opposed to organisations.
And I’m not saying that that that’s the it’s not that in every case.
Of course there will be examples of there are organisations not doing the right thing by their people.
12:40
But I would say more often than not, it’s been about individuals.
We also have to be honest about the impact of dads in the workplace as well.
You know, you are more likely to get a request for flexible working turn down if you are male then if you are female.
12:55
And when it comes to child caring responsibilities, the amount of dads or kind of parents here it, it happens in in same sex relationships as well, where if you aren’t the parent who has had the prolonged parental leave off.
13:13
The amount of times that I’ve worked with clients who have said I’ve had to ask for some emergency childcare support and they were like, well, can’t your wife do it or can’t your partner do it or whatever.
And that just shouldn’t be, that just shouldn’t be the case.
13:28
So in a world where we are trying to push towards having more kind of equal parenting conversations and, and support single parents better, we’ve gotta shake something up there.
13:39
Advocating for Change in Company Culture
So I think, do I think that everybody sets that?
Ohh, do the majority set out to do a bad job?
No, I don’t.
I think people and organisations do understand that this is about human to human leading with empathy.
But I think there are pockets of people who make that really difficult and it’s usually my job to come in and help with that.
14:03
Speaker 1
The Fairy Godmother.
14:04
Speaker 2
The fairy I’m I, honestly, I’m coining that.
I’m coining that.
14:08
Speaker 1
You should.
14:09
Speaker 2
Yeah.
14:10
Speaker 1
In South Africa we have quite a high unemployment rate, which means there’s a line of people waiting outside the door to take your spot if you’re not happy with company culture and people are willing to do whatever it takes to keep their jobs.
14:25
So in such an environment where there’s little pressure to change, what should the argument be to persuade employers to adapt more parent friendly practices?
14:38
Speaker 2
So I think this is an interesting one actually, because I, I have this conversation in, in the UK with, with organisations because and I, I don’t know how our stats line up, but I think there is a difference between having, having people in your organisation and having the right people in your organisation.
14:59
And what often gets overlooked here is 1 The cost to recruit.
Because it isn’t just about replacing people, it is about what is the the opportunity cost to to doing that.
And that can often be huge.
And you can, if you are recruiting people in terms of volume and justice thinking, there’s always going to be somebody there.
15:22
There’s always going to be somebody ready to take that role.
That in itself creates a couple of things.
One, I would say somebody’s sort of psychological safety and their feeling generally safe in the workplace will plummet if you’re kind of holding that over people because the fear of mistakes, the fear of not giving things a go, the fear of kind of that replaceability drives in somebody then very cautious behaviour and it can massively impact people’s engagement and their performance, not because they’re not good at their job, but because they’re working in fear.
16:00
So I think encouraging people and, and, and then for you as an employer, it’s costing you an absolute fortune because, yes, you might have somebody waiting there, but do the math on what does it actually mean to let somebody go and bring somebody else in.
That’s that’s a lot.
16:17
I think we can also oversimplify this and, and I think I’m not, I don’t want to put a problem, there isn’t one, but I think making sure that we recognise the value that people are bringing in the workplace is it is huge.
16:32
Small Shifts for Big Impact
It, it, it, there’s, there’s no two ways about it.
So I think without being reductive, I would say we have to keep the right people and not kind of lean on a volume market where you might think you’ve got an abundance of people in a talent pool.
16:52
But have you really, or are you just thinking now it’s okay, we can replace wherever we need to?
16:57
Speaker 1
Yeah, that’s very, very true.
So what would you say is one small workplace shift that makes the biggest difference for parents like.
Although it’s part of an ongoing process, what’s an easy fix with a big?
17:14
Speaker 2
Impact I’m, I’m torn because I think there’s a few things I one thing that I have seen to be really transformational in workplaces of different sizes, different industries and different maturity levels is encouraging story sharing.
17:32
Because often what drives a lot of these divides is people not knowing everybody else’s reality.
Now, I don’t, I don’t mean that people can’t have boundaries and I don’t mean that everybody owes you their story because they might not want to share and that’s absolutely fine.
But do we really understand what is going on for the people?
17:50
Like we’re never going to be 100% in their shoes.
And and that’s, and I think like that’s OK.
You don’t have to have the same lived experience as somebody else to show some empathy or, or compassion.
Let’s say compassion is probably the better word.
18:06
So I think encouraging that compassionate view is probably one of the kindest things we can do.
And I, I do think that comes through encouraging people to share their experiences in a really practical way.
I, I think the most common way that I do that with clients is to encourage them to set up parental support networks.
18:27
So some businesses will call them employee resource groups or affinity groups.
Networks could be absolutely anything, and they historically have been to do with different intersectionality.
So somebody might have a network for race or age or disability or being part of the LGBTQ plus community.
18:48
You can do that for parents and carers as well.
And I think they go a huge way to helping with this.
It gives people a platform that feels safe to be able to share some of you know, their experiences.
And I think bringing line managers in, I’m kind of squeezing in the second one here, but bringing line managers in on that is really important because they are the people that need to be empowered.
19:13
This isn’t for HR or a or a people team to fix the whole time.
It is very much a team effort and that comes from the day-to-day rather than the really big aren’t we amazing?
Look at all of our fantastic policies kind of fireworks it.
19:30
It doesn’t need to be that they go that they do help, but I’ve worked with a lot of organisations who have award-winning policies and the lived experience is not good.
So I think being realistic about sharing people’s stories and not making it a race to the bottom and establishing some sort of support network is probably the kindest thing that you could do.
19:54
Speaker 1
That’s amazing.
I think that is it’s not even a hard thing to do or an expensive thing to do.
And it’s actually so it’s common sense that people should share their realities with each other, especially people you spend so much time with.
20:10
Speaker 2
Yeah, you need zero budget almost for that, so.
20:14
Speaker 1
Yeah, exactly.
So how can working moms who feel trapped in their company culture advocate for themselves by taking the first step or starting that conversation?
20:27
Empowering Working Moms
Where does that?
Where does transformation start?
20:30
Speaker 2
I think if it was me, I would, I, and I suppose I do this with clients really when they’re feeling a bit, even if they work for a great employer, but it they’re kind of thinking who am I, where’s my voice got and that kind of thing.
I think we have to be really careful not to make individuals feel like they need to be fixed because often it is.
20:50
It’s a societal thing that lets us down as as parents.
I would probably start by looking at your strengths.
So I would be asking myself questions like what do I love doing?
Where do I add value?
21:05
What do other people come to me for and what what do I, you know, what do I enjoy doing?
What really sets me or like what sparks me up because they are all indicators of when our strengths and values are in action.
And that is without a shadow of a doubt and a hill that I’m willing to die on.
21:24
That is the transformation.
When we look at what, what, what do we enjoy doing?
What are we motivated by and energised by?
It doesn’t mean that we don’t have weaknesses and it doesn’t mean that we can design A job around only the things that we enjoy doing.
21:40
But it can help you look really practically at what am I not so great at and what do I not enjoy doing in my job?
Because you kind of flip it on its head and think right, well, how could I use a strength here?
How could I use something that does motivate and energise me to, to make this feel better?
21:55
So a client of mine hates one particular part of her job, but she has to do it.
There is no way that she can’t do it.
So we can’t, we can’t remove that.
She is a massive collaborator though.
She loves working with other people and there’s somebody on her team who really enjoys this part of the job that she hates.
22:17
So they once a week get together and do this project together because one of them likes it, one of them doesn’t and they kind of divide and conquer.
She knows that she can’t remove it from her role, but she does know that she’s got support there and actually doing it with somebody else gets her through that hour that it takes them to get this report done.
22:36
And it means that there’s a fresh pair of eyes on it and it’s been they’ve been able to work it as a as a team.
Now she’d have never had that conversation.
She never would have known.
It doesn’t always happen as neatly as that and I’m definitely not rose tinted about it.
They’re they’re some things will still feel really tricky, but I think connect with yourself and look at what is important for you.
22:56
It is a lot easier to then advocate for yourself if you feel like you’re able to build that self trust and self belief rather than going at it from a place of feeling really depleted all the time because that they’re the moments where it is hard to speak up.
23:11
Interviewing for Family-Friendly Cultures
So I think look at what helps you reconnect with yourself.
23:15
Speaker 1
That is such good advice.
Like don’t always go looking for the answers or blame shift why you’re not enjoying something.
Look inward and be very honest and communicate about it.
That’s, that’s definitely the the, the way to advocate for change for yourself.
23:35
Speaker 2
Yeah, absolutely.
23:36
Speaker 1
So for a mom interviewing for a job that want to make sure that she’s not walking into like a walnut nest, what a question she should ask in the interviewing process to find out more if the company culture suits her and her family needs.
23:55
Speaker 2
I would ask some, like I’d ask a really bold question.
I’d be like, you know what, what’s it like to be a parent here?
What’s it like to be a parent in the workplace when, when you’re employed here?
And if I went and asked a working parent, what would they tell me is the best thing about being here or what is the hardest thing you could you could ask for, you know, the specifics around do you do anything in particular to support parents in the workplace or have you got any future plans to to do that?
24:24
And I would also say, you know, could again, keeping it too late.
Can I speak to some people that are parents here?
Because going for a new job should be a two way process.
Now, if it doesn’t feel like it is and you don’t feel able to do that, then I think still asking those first few questions that I just mentioned, I think is, is perfectly normal to say, you know, this is my family setup.
24:50
How, how, how’s that gonna work here?
And what do you envisage some of the challenges being and, and, and, and what would actually work really well for, for us together?
25:01
Creating Fairness for All Employees
So I think it’s it’s okay to to pose those questions.
25:05
Speaker 1
OK, very very good questions and interviewing should be a two way St.
Because just as much as you they want to find out more about you, you also need to make sure you you find a suitable place for you to work.
25:21
So my last question before we get to the final 5 is when, and you said this at the beginning, and I love that is the companies who get it right.
Their policies are for everyone, not just their parents.
25:39
So my question is, how do you create a fair playing field for everyone?
Like if a mum wants to leave early to watch a sports match, or, you know, that kind of flexibility, or, you know, fluid working hours, how do you not alienate people who are not parents?
26:02
Speaker 2
Well, you don’t make it apparent an issue.
So, and and I think we have to be blunt about that and say, you know, right now today Lisa in finance needs to go and watch her child play football or they are doing whatever.
26:20
That’s the support that she needs today to be a great employee and to be a a great parent and to and to feel happy in herself.
Tomorrow Lisa might not need anything, but, um, Dave in commercial might come to us and say, I’m, I’m running, I’m training for a marathon.
26:39
Like Dave doesn’t have children, but he’s training for a marathon and he wants to go and get his training run done and a bit, a bit earlier today or he wants to do it during the middle of the day.
And Dave’s an adult so Dave can look after his own diary and he knows if he’s gonna be able to get his work done or not.
26:55
So Dave can go and do that training run because that’s the support that Dave needs tomorrow.
Lisa needs this.
Today it’s Lisa’s not getting that support because she is a parent.
She’s getting that support because she is a valued employee and we want to retain her.
And we know that she does a fantastic job.
27:11
Day’s gonna get that support because he’s an amazing employee.
We want to retain him etcetera, etcetera.
And I think sometimes it’s in the language of and I, I, I spoke at a conference last weekend and talked about language matters.
If we only ever talk about flexibility as a parent issue or special treatment or we do that because they need to go and pick their kids up or whatever, that might be the reason why.
27:37
But the umbrella is we are supporting people in their day-to-day reality.
The specifics of that are going to be different.
And I think This is why sometimes consistency gets a bad Rep because we think consistency means everybody should be treated same.
27:53
And, and, and I, I understand why consistency is having a flexible working conversation or knowing that you can come to your line manager and say, I’ve got something going on in my, in my life at the minute.
And, and I, I need, I need to finish at 3.
28:08
Ohh.
I need to do whatever the consistency isn’t then saying, okay, well, because Lisa needs to finish.
Everybody needs to finish then.
Or because nobody’s finishing, neither can Lisa.
Like I think it’s, we’ve got to reframe what we mean by consistency as opposed to saying everybody gets the same treatment because they get the same treatment for like this minimum viable product.
28:32
The foundations should be the same.
Everybody should be able to ask their line manager what will be different is why they’re asking or when they ask or what they do with that time or what, you know, whatever it might be.
So I think it’s.
Let’s not confuse what consistency means.
28:50
Speaker 1
Yeah, that is such such an amazing way to view the specific issue and I think so many people will benefit from more companies thinking like that.
29:04
Reflections on Parenting and IdentityFollow MOMents
I hope so.
29:07
Speaker 1
So now we are at the final five, which is five questions every guest on moments answer.
And the first one is which part of your human experience was changed the most by becoming a mom?
29:21
Speaker 2
Think my relationship with identity, I think has been changed the most and not I, I don’t just mean my identity, I, I mean how I view that as a conversation for anybody.
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So it’s really made me tune into lots of, lots of the world believe that for, for women in particular, that becoming a parent is the only thing that we should be bothered about.
And that if we’re, if we are a parent, our whole identity should be wrapped up in being a mum.
29:55
And if we’re not a parent, our whole identity should be wrapped up in we’re not a parent.
So I think it’s made me.
It’s made me ask people better questions.
It’s made me ask myself about my own biases, and I think it’s really opened my mind to the societal narratives that we kind of let scream really loudly.
30:18
So I think yeah, in one, in one word, I would say identity.
30:21
Speaker 1
And looking back, what would you have done differently?
30:26
Speaker 2
Um, I try not, I try not to have too many, too many regrets.
I think, um, I, I would have probably tried to have a different relationship with guilt earlier.
So I, I, I, I approach it very differently now, but I think my views around guilt were not great and they were, they were pretty toxic and, and definitely didn’t help me in those early days of combining being a parent and working.
30:58
So yeah, I would.
I would change my approach with guilt.
31:02
Speaker 1
What are you most grateful for in your mom journey?
31:06
Speaker 2
I mean, it’s the way that I work now wouldn’t exist if I didn’t have my my girls.
So I think I’m incredibly grateful for what they were able to kind of help me wake up to, which was I think probably a personal value that I’d always had.
31:26
But because I read some really old school reports recently that my mum had kept and there was stuff in there about kind of that that sense of injustice or not treating people well.
It was obviously there from when I was a really little girl, but I think I’d lost, I’d lost some of that.
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So I think they, I’m really grateful that I got that back because I think I, I, I don’t know why, but I, I think I, I, I lost some of the things that made me feel connected to others and that they’ve definitely helped bring that back.
31:57
Speaker 1
That’s amazing.
So what are you telling your own kids about parenting?
32:04
Speaker 2
I tell them that it is one of the best jobs that I’ve ever had ever.
Because I do see it as a job sometimes.
Um, and, and I, I, I tell them that I’m really grateful because I learn so much from them, but I also tell them that it’s hard and with trading ages of eight and, and 11:00 and 2:00, very different children as well, despite having exactly the same parents and have been brought up and been given the same opportunities, two very, very different kids.
32:35
So I do tell them not to put it on their shoulders, but I will say something like, you know, this is a bit tricky because, you know, I, we want to be able to do this and we also need to say this.
And, and I, I kind of let them know that it doesn’t, it doesn’t come easily and that I do think through conversations that we’re having because I don’t want them to think that decisions that I make or my husband and I make.
33:02
I don’t want them to think that they ever just come from being plucked out of thin air with no, with no thought because you know that that isn’t what I want to be as a parent.
So yeah, I try and be truthful with them without putting something on their shoulders that that it is not for them to to bear.
33:23
Speaker 1
I completely get that.
So we don’t want them to feel guilty for us for what we struggle to cope with.
So what’s your North Star when making parenting decisions?
33:39
Speaker 2
Are they safe?
Without a shadow of a doubt, are are they going to be safe, whatever that might be?
I think for a while I probably had Are they happy?
But but I have had to come to terms with the fact that my job is not to make them happy 100% of the time and nobody can be happy 100% of the time.
34:03
And that is something that I tell them quite a lot.
And because I can see some people pleasing tendencies in in both of them at times.
So yeah, I think are, are they safe?
Is my North Star.
34:17
Speaker 1
Thanks so much for sharing that, Charlotte, and thank you for your dedication to transform the working world for parents.
The work you do is so important and the impact goes beyond just the parents, but to the entire families.
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And thanks for taking the time to chat to us Young Moments and sharing your knowledge.
34:38
Speaker 2
You’re very welcome.
Thank you for having me.
34:40
Speaker 1
It was so great, thank you.
Parent friendly environments go beyond flexibility and working from home, They’re root of change is compassion and empathy.
I’m sure we are all inspired to create spaces where people understand each other’s realities and the support that will follow from that.
35:01
In my next episode I’m joined by Paige Connell, a leading voice in managing the mental load.
It’s the million tabs you’ve got opening your mind right now.
The invisible, continuous planning, remembering and organising that keeps a household and a family running.
35:19
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